What the Truck?! A Psych review

Always behind the trends, this week’s convoluted episode takes our heroes into the sorted world of Food Trucks.  Okay, seriously Psych?  Food trucks were hot 2 to 3 years ago, now they are just manned by culinary hipsters with inflated egos.  I understand that some people really enjoy truck food, but if I have to spend 10 bucks on a plate I’d rather do it indoors, call me crazy but I’m just like that.  Not to mention everyone has gone way out to left field looking for that next big indie bite.  I mean, I think I saw a truck that advertised soy bison, or maybe I just stayed up to late watching Bob’s Burgers again…. That happens a lot.

Back to the episode, Shawn and Gus stumble into a murder of a Mexican themed food truck owner who has become known for his secret sauce.  Both our boys are consumed with grief over losing their favorite taco set up and remember back to the good old days of “Taco massages,” that was a bit disturbing and convince a stressed Chief Lassiter to allow them to work the case from the shelter of their very own truck, a strange collection of mash up foods.  What is a food mash up?  Well an example would be the fruit loop quesadilla, you’re welcome. Why is our Lassie so stressed?  Marlow is at 8 months now, and as anyone who has dealt with pregnancy could tell you, the woman isn’t the only one at their wits end with being pregnant.  The pressure of looming fatherhood and his personal vendetta against food trucking (gosh didn’t see that coming :P) has left the frazzled chief only the option of working with Shawn and Gus.  Have I mentioned that I love how Lassie hates food trucks; I get that same feeling after an hour at the farmers market.  Once again I guess I’m just not hip enough.

In return the boys mention how prepared she should be to Marlow, who had admittedly not prepared anything for the new baby.  Okay, I’ll interject again where they are portraying Marlow is where I started getting ready too.  I don’t remember taking any classes, or doing anything more than reading a few blogs and small books.  Maybe I did it wrong, but for all intensive purposes I was the working mom/ bread winner in my relationship and after my son was born I was a working single mom.  In that life there isn’t time for classes and massive prep, I managed, I built furniture and washed and put away clothes, and I stocked a diaper station that was about all I did.  My son is now an active toddler with a thriving intellect and normal life, guess I didn’t screw it all up.  Marlow on the other hand goes off the reservation, signing up for classes and making Lassie carry around a dummy baby doll to get practice, I could only imagine what I would have done with that.

The boys get their truck started and pull into an investigation of all the local trucks that the victim traveled around with.  Each one gives a little more information as they go, telling them about a local restaurant that was suing the truck over the secret sauce.  The victim, Mauricio, had worked for the restaurant owner and after making off with the sauce recipe started the competing food truck.  While the sauce theft turns out to be true, the murder motive is not.  The owner explains that he was in small claims court when the victim died fighting for the rights to his sauce back.

During the course of the investigation there is a surprise inspection from the city health inspector and the two are given orders to clean up or close the doors.  Now who can they turn to?  Who could set them into order and sanitary conditions with a do it right the first time through hard work attitude?  Henry!  Who is consequently unavailable do to his recent venture of trying to sell the family house and begin moving on with his life somewhere else.  This is a huge blow to Shawn who is going to be losing both his father and his safe haven; it’s as if all of the roots to Santa Barbara are being uprooted under Shawn feet.  Shawn’s chosen path to dealing with the problem is strict avoidance, no surprise there.

Focusing on the truck again the two decide to get a head start and snoop out the industrial park the trucks meet up at.  Waiting for them is your classic thug mugger.  Threatening them with a gun he demands all the money from the day.  Having just opened they obviously have nothing, to add insult to that injury the little punk mocks their food.  Turns out there is a gang that demands money from the food trucks through an enforcer named “Smokey.”  Smokey turns out to be a music theater major who is fronting as a gangster, but he gives them a tip that the he witnessed a fight between the health inspector and Mauricio.

The next day the health inspector returns to check on the truck and is greeted with an interrogation that includes Shawn needing the Heimlich maneuver.  The inspector explains that the fight was over a tip that the truck was contaminated and he was only defending himself.  The dead end seems to be final until they get a call from Henry to come and get his stuff because the house closed escrow.  It’s here that he discovered a local gym owner had been bothering the trucks because they blocked access to his gym and were serving 2000 cal meals to his costumers.  The confrontation does not go well as they find a dead owner crushed under a weight set.  Always get a spotter!

The body and scene are being processed when Lassiter gets a call about two local banks being robbed in the same locations on the truck route leaving the odds on favorite for who the killer is to be someone in the fleet… But who?  The Psych team ponders this as Buzz explains the truck used to belong to another Mexican fusion rolling restaurant.  Further investigation reveals that the old owner lost his company, and that folding truck companies happen all the time.  He cites a local vegan truck as an example, but the vegan truck is still around.  In fact he works their route.  Now it all comes together, the vegan truck and the gym worked together to rob the banks but were discovered by Mauricio and that is why they killed him.

Marlow’s craving for fat, sugar, and salt has her chasing a fruit loop quesadilla and consequently into the truck with Henry who has come to talk through his moving on with Shawn, who has this kind of timing.  In the end it’s discovered that Henry has sold the house to Lassie and Marlow is in labor.  Little Lilly is welcomed into the world as Shawn tells Henry it’s okay to leave, and that all he wants is Henry’s happiness.  It’s a bitter sweet moment as Shawn learns that life is moving on and he needs to move with it on his own.  The cycle seems to begin again on Psych as only 3 episodes remain.  

                 

psyching the feels: A psych review

Psych’s back!  Well to finish out the series, wow that was an emotional roller coaster, kind of like the opening of this episode.  We get our chief back, only to have her announce that she is leaving for San Francisco.  I can honestly say I was about to cry when Lassie ruined the moment by trying to figure out if he could be considered for the chief’s job.  Freaking Lassie.  The part that was really sad is that this quick ride only sets up the fortunately – unfortunately that seems to run through this episode.

So Lassie heads over to the mayor’s office and proceeds to completely botch his interview, but in exchange gets offered a very personal cold case.  The mayor’s uncle, Archie a hardnosed crime reporter, was supposedly killed and the SBPD had covered it up to protect a corrupt police chief and mobster.

So what makes this episode awesome?  Well we are all going back in time and everyone gets to be someone from 1967.  Kicking us off is Harry in a wig as the old coroner… I don’t know, I wasn’t too impressed at all.  Still the casting goes forward when they are lead to the remains of an old mob hang out and lounge.  Shawn taking on the role of the mobster king pin, Woody as the chief, Gus as a lounge act, Juliet as the mob girlfriend and Lassie taking up the horn-rimmed glasses as Archie we are thrown into 1967.

First off, I think Shawn is being far too much Columbian drug lord to Gus really wanting to be James Brown…. Both are a little lack luster.  It’s like the cast is phoning it in now that the series is almost finished. 

They discover that the only person still alive to discuss the case with is an aging song bird from the lounge act who admits that the lounge singer was a bit of a gambler, and the chief was actually looking to put the cuffs on the mobster.  Putting these things together he tries to make a case against the singer, but he was arrested the night of the murder in another state across the country.  So that’s obviously a no go.

Next they look into whether or not the mob girlfriend was still alive, surprise! She is.  So they drag the played out whore down town who is flouncing around like a played out … well whore.  She tells another story of Archie as a complete drunk obsessed with a young black lesbian lounge singer.  This is of course not true, however it makes Lassie rethink the case and almost give up.  Cue Archie the ghost, to demand Lassie avenge him!

We know that Juliet was hiding something from Shawn after a closed door meeting with Chief Vick, and the writers tend to dangle it out in front of you for a little bit before they blow the tension completely.  Juliet has been offered the opportunity to go with Vick to San Francisco and she has been looking into taking the opportunity.

Another analysis of Archie’s liver proves that he was not a drunk but was in fact drugged.  So now, who drugged him and why.  For that they go back to the club and discover a wiretap.  The recordings had been hidden in with Archie’s personal belongings at the mayor’s house the whole time and reveal that it was the mom girlfriend Scarlet who was having an affair with the lounge singer.

After solving the case and being named chief of police, Lassie decides to smack us all right in the feels.  Turns out a condition of his being chief is that Juliet cannot go with him at all.  At first, he decides he wants to turn it down because Juliet has become so very special to him.  However, she assures him that it’s okay; she has decided to go with Vick.  So where does that leave Shawn?  Alone in his bed as Juliet drives away… Yep kicked me right in the feels…   

       

Gusing up the machine

Well after the sad news about psych was released by USA yesterday afternoon I set forth with the idea to savor all of the remaining episodes of psych that I can soak up, and then “Cog Blocking” happened.  Every season it seems they have to throw Gus a bone and have an episode that celebrates his side kicking goodness.  Unfortunately, Gus is not leading man material.  Don’t misunderstand me, I love “magic head” and I truly believe that without him Shawn would fall a bit flat, but that does not make him a leading man at all.

So we open with Gus going to work as a pharmaceuticals rep at central coast pharmaceuticals, yes he still works there, and he is the very definition of worker bee.  In the tradition of all worker bees his boss takes the opportunity to make his life miserable 5 min into the office.  I’d feel bad for Gus except he has had so many opportunities to break out of the “cog set,” that to be honest I just expect weakness.  In a huge juxtaposition we have Shawn sleeping away his sloth like life in a hammock in the psych office.  Always the strong and responsible figure *cough* over bearing and controlling *cough* in Shawn’s life, Henry takes the time to address Shawn’s lack of ambition or ability to accumulate a “monthly nut.”

Insulted by being called a leech, Shawn declares that he will become gainfully employed.  Immediately he sets off to ask everyone he knows for money.  He learns of a body over the police scanner and swings by the office to grab Gus.  Let’s be honest it was really to get Gus to drive him around in the blueberry.  When they get to the crime scene Lassie is quick to put him in the box marked suicide.  What scares Gus, is that he could double for the body.  Everything in the apartment screams of average Joe, worker bee, go nowhere with his life but straight to the vanilla entombed in a loveless, earth toned apartment.  Taking pity on Gus’s life crisis Shawn tries to convince Lassie it’s a homicide, really Gus has decided to take this up as his own personal crusade.

When they go to the victim’s place of work they find that no one seems to care about the loss of their co-worker Rus.  This is like confronting what would happen if Gus were to die.  No one knew him, or about him, they consider him bland and almost invisible.  He kept to himself, but was the top seller in his division and was considered a highly efficient employee.   Each comment about him being insignificant registers on Gus as if they were made about him.  While searching through Rus’s office, the number two seller comes into Rus’s computer and Gus snaps causing a huge scene in order to steal a door key off the janitor’s cart.

This change of character puzzles Shawn as Gus throws himself deeper into a more “Dangerous Gus.”  While breaking into the office at night they discover an email under the names of characters from the movie The Net.  The email leads to a restaurant for a meet up where Gus unloads a list of movie references trying to guess the name it’s under only to have it be under the victim’s real name.  Good try Gus.  The meeting is with a blind woman with beautiful long black hair who recognizes the Gus is not Rus.  With a few spinning moves both Gus and Shawn are taken out by a “blind ninja.”

At the coroner’s office, Woody discovers that the suicide was most likely staged and explains that there were traces of a pill that is deadly for people with heart conditions like the victim was experiencing.  Woody then shows them a stamp to “Putan on the Ritz” which is a shady Russian night club.  Why Santa Barbara seems to have so many Norwegian and Slavic night spots I have no idea.  The bar is a euro trash disco, however thus far it’s also a dead end.

Next, is the victim’s apartment again where Gus expresses that he sees the victim as himself.  Thinking as himself allows him to find clues in the victim’s apartment.  What he finds is a death certificate and an address, but for who?  The address leads to Gus elbowing in a glass window.  He’s taking this very seriously I see.  Once again we are met with the mysterious blind woman with two guns.  What on earth is a blind woman doing with two blind?!  Okay, she’s not blind she just has really crappy eyesight.  She explains that she is an investigator who was helping the victim uncover a fraud ring, and Gus begins his awkward flirty shit.  Nauseating. 

Back at Woody’s office, Woody notices that the cert is for a body he worked on but, the date is wrong.  The cert is dated two months prior and the body he had was only 5 days ago.  Upon investigating the name on the cert they find his wife who explains her late husband had taken out a loan to open up a male strip club. 

It appears as though he was borrowing against his life insurance policy, but how is that possible?  Well it’s not.  However, using forged documents the head of the company was able to get the policies to pay out in order to fund loans for unsavory people in exchange for a piece of the action.  Basically, he was forging to collect and extort.  A cute little scam until the person taking out a “loan” dies for real and his widow attempts to collect on the policy.  That’s how Rus discovered the scam and he paid for it with his life.

This is a huge wake up call to Gus who in turn quits his sales gig to stop living the “cog” was and live the “Gus” way.  My only issue with it is this guys… What happens now that Gus, who was the bread winner of the whole operation, is unemployed?  Lesson learned, don’t give Gus an episode, it will be just as forgettable as he tends to be at his day job.  Sorry Gus.  

Ninja Please...

We open on our guys in a desperate situation of no work and bills piling up, like that’s anything new for Shawn and Gus.  So what do you think they spend their free time doing?  That’s right, coming up with ridiculous crimes to solve that haven’t really happened.  Between Shawn and Gus, they come up with plots based around puppets, competitive eating, and suggestive hot dogs… all around it ends in the phrase “Ninja please…”  Thanks for that Gus.

Meanwhile in the coroner’s office of beautiful, murderous Santa Barbara Woody works away at his latest “patient.”  In comes an imposing figure with a creepy Cajun accent and he attempts to roll out a body.  Woody explains that due to the body being a John Doe, he cannot allow the man to take it and then we get a gun.  Our dopey coroner is taken hostage by Cyrus, an ex con who was trying to make a life for himself.  It turns out the body is a murder victim “Wilson” who he had beef with in jail and Cyrus believes he is being set up.  Woody is quick to try to help Cyrus and begins an honest dialogue.

The precinct is swamped as Chief Trout rallies the officers for a standoff when Shawn and Gus arrive.  As true to his character Trout dismisses the two and assigns Lassie to a ridiculous detail far from the scene.  Trout is blowing the situation out of control as he readies for a hail of bullets, he intends to shot first, and you thought Han was bad.

With the dynamic dunderheads locked out of the police department we see the return of the half beard scheme.  I’m so disappointed in these two I expected way more by this season.  However it did get them into a holding cell which is a good start, at least they are inside right?

Woody talks Cyrus into asking for Shawn and Gus explaining they are not cops so he can trust them.  Of course he also talks him into asking for American cheese and seedless grapes so we know where his head is.  Cyrus explains to the creators of psych that he crossed paths with the deceased in a halfway house but, he didn’t kill him at all.  He explains he has a wife that loves him and doesn’t want to be railroaded back to jail.

Cyrus’s P.O. and wife arrive in the station and Trout makes it clear he is trigger happy and more than willing to shoot to kill.  Trout decides to let Woody have his pills delivered by Lassie, inside the bottles is a tiny camera and now it’s very real to Juliet that if she doesn’t slow Trout down they might lose Woody in the crossfire.  Seriously? How has Trout not been jailed before now?!

Shawn and Gus arrive at the halfway house under the guise of a Vato and his P.O., every one welcome Emilio Estevez Estavieez… Or Shawn in a bandana and grey plaid bottom up with only the collar button done.  They are let in and given a rundown of the facility by Rocko explaining the Maurice runs the house but he’s not in right now.  Leaving Shawn and Gus alone in the deceased room they find pictures of him and Cyrus’s wife.  Uh-oh.

Confronted with the evidence of the affair she cops to it and explains she had broken it off because he was hanging out with bad people (Like adulterers?).  Still the two decide that they need to go back to the half-way house to confront the man in charge, Maurice… Unfortunately, he’s not too talkative on account that he is deceased as well.  Bum bum bum…  In his room they find a lottery ticket which proves Maurice was looking the other way on letting Wilson break the house rules about going more than 10 miles away and later than 9pm.  

To slow down Trout Juliet decides to go in as Woody’s estranged daughter in an attempt to talk Cyrus into letting Woody go.  This ends in a disturbing “the birds and the bees” talk between the two that makes even me uncomfortable.  Woody convinces Cyrus to let him and Juliet autopsy the body to prove that he is innocent due to a large amount of sulfuric acid in the body’s wounds proving that Wilson was not killed in Cyrus’s home thus clearing him of circumstance evidence.  Meanwhile Trout moves in quickly forcing Juliet to place herself between Cyrus and Trout.

The acid leads Gus and Shawn to a fertilizer plant and ultimately the scene of the first murder.  It is here where Shawn using his acute sense of observation pulls it together and calls it into Lassie.  It was the P.O. who caught Wilson sneaking around and making money on his old life (what that was I’m not entirely sure) and demanded a cut, then in turn bribed Maurice to look the other way on the rules.  When Wilson tried to go straight the P.O. was already in too deep and so he killed the two coconspirators to keep the whole “stinking” thing quiet.  Now after all of that you’d assume they would get a hero’s accommodation right?  Oh no, they all get fired… Well kinda fired, Shawn and Gus were never really hired so it’s hard to fire them.  There is justice in Santa Barbra however when Trout in turn is fired for nearly killing Woody… so there’s that.

I cannot express my disappointment at this season enough.  Where did my fun cast of eccentrics go?  The first episode of the season was awesome, now it just feels like forced pseudo wit.  Come back to me psych!  I miss you!  Most of this show has turned into a grandiose idea of how to bend logic.  Hopefully we get chief Vick back and we can go back to our brave Shawn and Fashionably astute Gus solving crimes by placing a finger to their heads and bantering 80’s lyrics.   

The Thursday Review

So it’s no secret that mama has a few shows on her rotating schedule of must see usually by Thursday morning all of them have aired so here’s what I’ve been watching and my opinion or what not.

 

Since Once and Walking Dead are on their mid-season breaks, a tradition that I have come to despise, and Drop Dead Diva and Game of Thrones keeping us waiting for the season premiers my must see starts Tuesdays for a while.  First up, we are going to start with the Sci-Fi channels “American Idol” that is known as Face Off.

 

Face Off Needs A Face Lift

 

                So this is season 6, am I the only one that thinks it’s been on way longer than 6?  Once again we gather to watch 15 hopefuls file in and get their egos crushed as they compete to create a slew of some of the most interesting and also some of the lamest ideas that a panel of esteemed judges can slowly bleed out from the slits of depression, after realizing this is what is to become of their craft. 

                The show opened with it’s typical roll call which like most people I spent trying to figure out if there is a “cute one” this season or even if I really care about any of them.  Thus far, no cute one, no special one, okay just kidding I’m having a love affair with Chloe’s Ariel red hair and McKenzie’s first blue stripe dress.  That will tell you how interesting I find this crop...

                So they kick off the foundation challenge with guest judge Tammy Lane who was an academy award winner for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe as well as being nominated for The Hobbit.  The challenge presents itself with a parade of beautiful larger than life wigs on a line of models, the contestants need to balance a makeup with the chosen wig and also create a character that is clear and readable.  What ensues is kind of laughably dull…

Apparently a few of the contestants are roommates in real life, blah blah blah.  Grahm is weird and fashionable, boring.  Daren thinks purple hair with lights in it is extreme… Finally it’s over and we start presentations.  Bethany goes first and what we get is stunning!  I’m sorry maybe it’s my love of Marie Antoinette but give me an oversized fluffy wig of Victorian French Courtier and then slash half the pretty bitch’s face off and I’m in.  Then comes George’s Voodoo Queen, and she is brilliantly bronzed lol.  To say that she is gold dusted wouldn’t be doing this disco dust any justice.  He does however balance it out with the most beautiful cornflower blue I have ever seen so I can forgive him.  He also did well at balancing out the idea by balancing a chest wound focal point which makes his model less top heavy.   Then there is Rashad’s disturbing bird thing… I don’t even know where to start until they reveal he is pretty much self-taught and works in fast food doing make ups on the side.    Suddenly freaky bird thing with disturbing prosthetics makes sense.  After that they speed through the rest of the looks and name George the winner telling him that he has immunity and an advantage in the spot light challenge.

The spotlight challenge is announced at a beautiful castle, a line of lovely dressed princesses descend the stairs to our contestants and it is revealed we are going “Beauty and the Beast.”  Each “Belle” has a picture of her castle to influence the type of beast that needs to be created.  The teams are set randomly leaving George who gets to pick whichever team he wants, great prize right?  He chooses Daren and Grahm (awesome weird and unoriginal).  The guest judge for this challenge is Stephen Sommers who worked on Van Helsing, G.I. Joe and The Mummy Films.  He wants scary and sexy, to be honest his description of the beast is all based around the ending kiss and not wanting the audience to be repulsed, I have to agree.

Away the little creators go, as always everyone sculpts away day one and already some groups feel the togetherness and other groups seem to believe they are made of magnets that repel each other.  The one major thing that gets to me is that these people have obviously seen the show by now so why is it that only Tyler gets his crap in the molding room?!  I mean my goal running into the lab would be to get my molds done and ready so day two I can assess what I have and paint.  I understand they all want these incredible sculpts but what typically happens to them? They don’t make it to the molds on time.  So what was all your sculpting worth to you really? Nothing…

Day two brings a molding issue for Rashad who forgot to place burlap to separate mold from manikin for the cowl because of “under cuts” which means they need to chip away at the mold.  Thankfully they save enough of the mold and it continues forward.  Meanwhile Cat and Daniel seem to be failing with Cat pulling the brunt of the molding and Daniel being a lazy asshole.  Suddenly everyone becomes painfully aware that getting molds done early is where it’s at.

Finally it’s application day and look what happens when your molds aren’t done, you get a hodgepodge of spiraling WTFs.  Now we see running and movement out of these morons.  The scramble then leads into the reveal stage which is really why anyone watches this show.  This season the judges get a twist, a one-time immunity deal… sweet, if you really screw up try to plead that you had a bad week.

Beast 1 Niko and Tess:  This beast is set in an almost Aladdin castle setting and they went with a grey wash dragon theme.  Due to mold issues they went with a transparent gelatin mask with an opaque foam mold and prayed for a miracle.  They don’t get it the face cannot emote.  Tess is not so confident in her choices whereas Niko seems like he’s going to need subtitles for the rest of the show.  The nose of the dragon seems to shift to one side so he looks confused.

Beast 2 Cat and Daniel:  This is perhaps the most traditional beast, looking part lion with a rose staff and oh yeah, half a human face sticking out.  Beauty and the Gore Monster!  All in all good work but utterly uninspired.

Beast 3 Daren, George and Grahm:  This beast looks like he is turning into the stone that his castle is made of, he does have a lot of details in the cowl which are lovely but there is an off putting pink shade under the massive chest plate.  It’s not like it smacks you in the face but it does make you look twice.  The face itself was well sculpted with an inset eye giving him a human yet, other worldly look.

Beast 4 Corrine and Tanner:  Oh my, what have you done?!  This is an abominable snow man whose face was hit by a semi-truck.  Literally, it comes off as an ape covered in dryer lint with fake ass elf ears, poor puppy!  I’m wondering if the face was out of a mold or a really bad grouping of random prosthetics…

Beast 5 Tyler and Bethany:  So next on out what was that parade of “WHAT THE…” Is this gem, I like to call it “Mighty mouse with balls.”  So it would appear that they took a picture of an Indian inspired castle and turned it into a blue (you get points for having the appropriate pallet) mouse-man with sever spheres on its head with spikes shoved in them.  No!

Beast 6 Matt and Margret:  It’s an alien! No really I do believe they went extraterrestrial with their moon tower inspired castle.  The problem is it’s a pointy headed glob of chewed bubblegum.  The face is a slap dash smear of putty colored goop.  There isn’t really a redeemable kind of quality, it’s just bad.

Beast 7 Rashad and Chloe: Finally something that is worth looking at, oh wait they pretty much did a version of the creature from the black lagoon.  Well at least it’s interesting to look at.  The details are there and it has a lot of good shape.

In the end the winning team is Rashad and Chloe with Chloe clenching the winning slot as Margret goes home for the alien silly putty face, harsh but sometimes you have to face the fact that your beast ain’t sexy.  Lord help me this better get, well, better…

 

                After I “ripped” my face off I decided to move to something with laughs and stories as well as veiled lame movie references… Psych

Psych Out!

 

                So I really do love this show, it moves at a great pace and I usually get to spend the episode laughing as well as being slightly surprised at how unbelievably over the top these characters are.  This season opened with the masterpiece that was the musical, and then they brought back Cary Elwes in a snatch like first episode that left me craving more, this week, not so much.

We rejoin or Santa Barbra duo as they try to recoup business after getting booted by new police chief Trout, played by Anthony Michael Hall, under the guise of “Motivational Life Coaches” whatever that means, at a police raid.  Shawn attempting to drum up business for their motivational classes with a smaller, skittish looking man gets the poor man arrested.  That will teach him to stand up for himself.  While putting the man in his squad car Lassie spots the raid suspect and dives after him but, he gets no mention or consideration for this, nor for saving the chief from an assassination attempt two days later.  Clearly, Trout don’t like him… 

It seems like they have to once again build out of nothing and in a twist so does Lassie… Poor, poor lassie, as any fan knows the end of last season after succeeding in his personal life and marrying Marlowe he was demoted to beat cop.  A beat cop that will soon be welcoming a new baby lassie!  Yes, I did squee.  With this new information, Lassie seems to have lost his nerve as he starts to panic about possibly being killed in the line of duty.  Naturally, in Lassie fashion, he tells no one leading Shawn to decide he is dying.

Lassie comes to the psych office to hire our dynamic duo making it a trio of confusion.  I don’t think I like beat cop Lassie.  Meanwhile, Juliet Santa Barbara’s newest lead detective is setting in motion to find out the identity and location of their newest serial killer who has Trout in his cross hairs.  First up to be dragged in is Trout’s own mother, this woman is a blended frappe of biker and bizarre.  It’s clear where Trout gets his weirdness from.

Speaking of Trout, this guy is no good.  It just feels like they have gone too far to be crazy.  I keep yelling “you never go full retard!”  I think he could kill the show if they don’t dump him soon.  He gets under the skin and you need serious surgery to get him out of there.

After a shooting at “Java the Cup” which I really wish existed.  Obviously, Trout’s mother could not be the shooter due to her incarceration.  The injured victim, Vance, is an asshole, which leads to the idea that the shooter is targeting A-holes, perhaps to become the grand puba of a-holes.

Lassie is told to take back some personal effects to Vance and comes face to hooded face with the shooter and falls apart.  Lassie cannot seem to get it together and what’s worse Vance gets murdered during Lassie’s panic.  Talk about a rough day right?

The suspect’s car’s VIN leads them to the fishing yard to a security guard who hasn’t shown up in days.  Turns out he is also known as a total D-bag.  Thankfully, he is dead… in a pool of fish guts… wait, why is that good?  Oh yeah because he was the missing link to the other attacked A-holes.

Remember the small guy arrested in the beginning? (Thanks Shawn)  It seems as though being put through that has made him snap worthy and he must kill all the A-holes!  We salute you little man!

The climax of the episode has got to be the Tombstone inspired show down between our killer and Lassie.  Lassie tries desperately to talk him out of the standoff, to no avail.  However, when the killer mentions taking Lassie away from his family, the “danger” comes back to him and suddenly he’s your huckleberry.  (Say when).  Another successful case closed and we end with Henry telling Lassie to always put his family before the job or he will regret it.  Tears.               

 

                My last stop on the TV dial this week had to end on a powerful note of Ameriacan Horror Story: Coven.

 

Which Witch is the Biggest Bitch?

                Thankfully this week we opened back up with Kathy Bates as we find out how she began her museum of horrors.  It’s a very Bathorey-esque beginning with slicing the head from a chicken and the sight of flowing blood.  This of course leads to morbid curiosity that takes hold when she finds an injured house boy.  Suddenly the bored Madame becomes fulfilled in her new passion of dismemberment.  Not a bad way to kick it off and it means that thankfully her plucky little racist will be back in full force.

                Now in the presence the coven gathers to lay low Nan… who fell in the tub.  Misty is still “missing” thanks to Madison and suddenly Queenie who apparently can shoot herself in the head and still live reappears with Bates on a leash.  The broken coven appears to be becoming whole but only on the outside.  On the inside the witches are eating each other alive in small quests for power that seem to leave each other powerless.

                The witch hunters want a truce meeting and the witches agree to hold it in New Orleans on their own territory, clearly home field advantage.  The leader of the hunters reveals to his second that he plans to honor a fair truce what’s comical is that he expects these witches to do the same.

                This episode seems to be fully narrated by Delphinine (Bates).  When it’s revealed she’s telling her life story to the gardener who she is dismembering up in the butlers attic who they still assume has run off.  In all actuality, he is in fact dead and a spirit in the house who offers to help Delphinine kill Marie Lavotte and release her from the curse of immortality in exchange for a limited run baby doll.  After the story, we rejoin Zoe and her corpse beau trying to figure out what lead to Nans demise when they are joined by Madison.  When her affections are revoked by corpse boy she attacks and threatens to rip him apart, at this point I’d believe her.

                Meanwhile Fiona and he axe wielding boy-toy plot to kill the next supreme and run away together to a small farm house to live out their days in a quiet life.  Fiona welcomes the idea that she can live happy, belonging to the axe man.

                Cordillera, the head mistress, comes to talk to Queenie about the incident where her ex-husband shot her in the stomach and to try to piece together how Queenie survived.  She is met with a mad black woman to say the least.  After the confrontation Cordillera attempts to regain her second sight by stabbing out her eyes to protect the coven.  Myrtle warns Fiona that she may want to run lest she and Marie be found out for the murderous tramps they are.  Fiona decides to distance herself from her as she readies for the hunters.

                Myrtle retires to the basement and calls Zoe to join her where she gives her a gem to hawk.  She explains that she needs Zoe to leave with Kyle, to be happy in her happy life with her happy love.  This is her chance to take with her the last of the purity of the coven.  What makes me smile is where she sends them.  Epcot, that’s right send the witch to Florida.

                The meeting commences with the axe man posing as a waiter, Marie and Fiona are quick to make absurd demands, jets and houses worth millions.  The hunters refuse and offer a 100 year truce which Fiona spits at.  With the rejection of the offer comes the axe man’s handy work as he takes apart the meeting man by man until only the head is left for Fiona.  With a smile on his face he tells her to go to hell as she swings the axe.

                The end of the episode both creep-ed me out and gave me joy.  Delphinine acts on Marie trying to drug her, stab her and throw her down stairs believing she had found the potion to make Marie mortal.  It hasn’t, the skeezy butler has lied in order to kidnap the previously kidnaped baby… A living doll all his own… and he leaves poor Delphinine to try to get rid of Marie.  The joy comes from Kyle and Zoe racing forward and jumping on the bus to Florida.  You just want to cheer as they run through the bus terminal and hop on holding hands.  It’s like the breakfast club fist of victory in the air.

 

I’m starting to think I watch too much TV….