Oh Ink Master, yet another week has us wondering what
kind of season this is really going to be.
So with a box of tissues in hand we rejoin our happy band of crybabies
as they strive for the approval of their industry babysitters. This week’s theme is placement, the art of
designing a tattoo so that it flows with the shape of the body and that all the
elements of the tattoos relate to each other in size and location. In other words this fundamental is huge in
the tool kit of an ink master! So how
will the creative minds of this Spike TV programs push our plucky little
ink-ers? By parading in a line of naked
bodies of course!
The flash challenge this week takes place in a flower
shop. The artists are given instruction
to tattoo their naked canvases with a piece that complements the lines of the
human body. Now being mostly men, the
first thing that is mentioned is some discomfort at not wanting to tattoo a
penis. The next thought is oh look
boobies! So I’m totally thinking that
everyone is getting these gnarly placements that require the canvases to bare
it all, most of these people are getting leg and arm tattoos. So the naked body is a distraction? It’s got to be sweeps week or something. Sausage tries to make an argument that having
the full view helps to place the tattoo correctly, but I don’t think I would
need to be staring down the barrel at some guys junk to get an idea of how a
tattoo is going to fit his thigh.
The tattoos that are produced are very well thought out,
for the most part. However, poor Randy
struggled with his piece placing a weird looking lizard tattoo square in the
middle of his models back. It sadly just
seems to be swinging from nowhere and poses a threat to later tattoo projects. The big stand out was definitely Scott’s tree
design that sit nicely between his models scapula’s. The most delightful part of the design had to
be the long placement of the stairs in front of the tree giving it a path that
your eye can follow up and the branches that round out and fades
beautifully. Halo is less than
impressed, and explains that a tree is a cop out because you can twist and turn
the branches to a desired shape. While
that is true if you distort a tree too much it can become illegible and the tat
loses its significance leaving it looking like an attempt to fill space. In the end the judges side with Scott and
give him the power to assign the tattoos for the elimination challenge.
Unlike the “honorable” distribution of Sausage, why god
would you want to be called that?!, Scott decides that he wants to start chucking
everyone under the bus. His evil plan is
to give the hardest tattoos to the top players; the hilarious thing is that
they actually whine about it! Look, if I
had the power to give my opponent a difficult canvas or design, I’m going to do
it. You do not enter an art competition
to make friends; you enter it to do the best you can and to make your piece
look like a brick of gold. What better
way than to surround it by a bunch of shiny turds?
As for the challenge itself, this elimination challenge
is to use the principal of placement while designing an aquatic themed tattoo
that complements your canvas’s body.
Yes, I’ll admit to singing songs from the little mermaid as I scribbled
my notes this week. Now, when looking at
an aquatic piece I think that Matti’s quote best described what could possibly
go wrong. “In the ocean there’s a lot of
shit next to a lot of shit and if you don’t place them right your tattoo will
look like shit…” The man can turn a
phrase can’t he? The gripe in this
challenge is that all of the canvases seem to want the entire ocean in a neat
little package, in full cover, in like 6 hours.
Totally doable right? Just ask
Halo whose canvas wanted a chest filled with everything under the son and was
told to pick 7 things. That ought to
make it more manageable right? Despite
the tall order of his client, Halo did not get the worst case scenario by far,
that award was graciously given to Bubba who must tattoo the god of the sea
atop a horse drawn chariot in an 8x8 square on his model’s ass.
The hate in the air was palpable as Scott decided to
strut around and taunt his victims. To
say that there is a target on this guy’s forehead is a gross understatement. I’m all for confidence but the resounding “Fuck
you” from every shop should give you a few hints that you may have taken this a
bit too far. Comparatively speaking this
week’s walk through the shop seems so uneventful. No one’s hurting, or freaking out, there just
seems to be focus and work. I kind of
like it. What I don’t like is this weeks
guest judge, CC Sabathia, a pitcher for the New York Yankee’s. I’m not sure why he’s there, it’s like Dave
hosting, he has a lot of tattoos so he must know something about art and what
makes a good piece right? Who picks
these people?! Seriously?!
Here are my notes from last night’s elimination pieces:
Scott: This shark was placed beautifully in
proportion to the ship and the other hammerhead in the distance. The radial burst helped to break up the blue
and give it an upward flow instead of the head on or down ward movement of a
lot of aquatic pieces.
Halo: Oh dear sweet Halo, the good thing about this
tattoo is that it’s heavily saturated.
The colors are deeply packed in and I’m going to believe it will heal
nicely, the craptastic part? It looks
like a page of a coloring book. It’s so
cartoonish that it really detracts what could be. Still good enough for middle this week.
Melissa: This mermaid was just hard to look at, I know
the client didn’t want pretty but, I’m sure that the scratchy coral that she
was sitting on wasn’t planned either.
Lydia: Nice looking squid but, I would have wanted
to see some more movement with the water to really showcase the details that
she is capable of.
King Ruck: It’s a shark chasing a seal, my biggest beef
with this shark is that his bodies all twisted up and it looks like he’s just
floating in midair doing nothing. I love
sharks, I really do and especially the great white you are trying to portray,
but the tail crushed my insides.
Matti: It’s a traditional take on Moby Dick, not
good not bad just meh.
Bubba: Oh this one hurts, if you were trying to
channel the god of the ocean’s you got miss directed to roided out Santa. Hard work this time around Bubba but keep
your head up.
Jim: Mind you, I want to hat this guy because he
looks so much and acts so much like my son’s father that I want to spit but,
the man can really tattoo. I think he’s
seriously being under estimated here.
The diving helmet he put out has a lot of really great things going for
it, Using air bubbles he cuts through
and creates some sound proportion ideas while his strong outline gives the
tattoo a real pop.
Kyle: I want to love this man. The turtle is so beautiful! It has the perfect scaling and depth, but you
fish look like gold fish crackers… Sadness.
Keith: It’s another traditional piece; however it
was really unwise to make the anchor and the eel the same color.
Randy: Another really bad watercolor. I don’t see a future for him in this game or
in this business quite frankly.
Sausage: Wow, the flow of this piece is
fantastic. The tentacles give a great
way to break through blocks of color and gives great shape to the piece. I was very impressed.
Roland: This looks like an odd paint by number, I
know it’s not the worst but the scratchy blue is really off putting to me…
Gentle Jay: It’s an okay piece until your eyes move up to
the oddly placed striped background. I
wish there was more pop in the ship’s bow, I think that really could have saved
it.
So the critiques come in and are received with a mix of
relief, disappointment, anger and accusations.
The two critiques that stood out to me were Kyle, who by all means did a
brilliant Sea Turtle, but gave no definition to the fish and coral around it
which really hurt the design. Of all
things he has learned Kyle still hasn’t found a way to keep his anger and anguish
at a bad critique in check. He
challenges Chris Nunez’s opinions that his piece is a middle of the road piece
and as much as I love Kyle’s work… I have to agree with Chris and hope that
Kyle slows down again and goes in again with consistency and attention.
The largest upset though is Randy whose bad critique he
contributed, not to his lack of talent, but to his being gay. The problem with that is that being gay doesn’t
have anything to do with being good at what you do. In fact after he accused the judges of being
against him for his sexuality, with no evidence at all, you almost wanted him
to go home. Here I thought we would get
through the episode without sniveling… I was wrong.
In the end, Scott’s hammerhead clinches victory and he
decides to nominate Randy, for his lack of talent not who he decides to sleep
with. The human canvas jury decides to
nominate Roland for his lack of bright popping colors, and the judges call back
Bubba. Despite his claims that the completion
is biased against his sexual preference, Randy has an emotional exit. This doesn’t stop him from telling Nunez that
he’s not cute. Ouch, see ya Randy.
