Ink master... maybe whine master?

It’s that time again!  Time for my favorite tattoo competition shows of all time… The glory that is known as Ink Master.  This is the only show about tattoos, hosted by someone who clearly is not an expert in the industry at all.   Sorry Dave, but even strutting out your industry leading judges does not make you an expert.  However I do have a lot of respect for Chris and Oliver so going into season four I’m willing to overlook it.

After introducing America’s pick, Kyle!  Yes I voted for him.  Dave explains that Kyle is exempt from the first elimination challenge and has a secured spot till next week.  Now Kyle made it pretty far in the last season so it is fair to say that he has already earned his spot on the show right?  Well being told what the first challenge was, a lot of the contestants did not think so.  I don’t know about you but to get to the final four, and tattooing live on stage, I think you can say he did his first round already.  The pettiness comes from the fact that there are 17 total tattooist and only 16 available shops, so the contestants sans Kyle must compete for the remaining 15 spots.  The competition: Tattooing convention style.  Literally hundreds of people pouring into the studio to be tattooed immediately, there are no comforts, loud noises and tons of distractions.  Still there are artists that bank their career’s on being able to tattoo in a convention setting.

The convention starts and it seems like everyone has a new strategy.  Some people are staying small and going for quantity and others are just putting out two to three solid pieces.  I’d go for the latter just because, if you are going to tattoo someone you tattoo them not rush through them.

The thing that annoys me about these shows is that there are so many contestants to really go in-depth on any one.  Basically you judge them two different ways, you either just look at the art and not care about the person, or you get smacked in the feels by interviews.  Example?  Let’s take the two biggest ones, Halo and Gentle Jay.  Halo is a cancer survivor, he decided to forgo chemo therapy in order to keep tattooing, see you just get your feels kicked in the nuts right?  Like really dude?!  You want some happy for this guy.  Then there is Gentle Jay who we shall now and forever more refer to as mountain douche.  Seriously, this grizzly Adams look alike is killing me.  Throughout the whole episode he is arrogant and basically acting like he is god’s gift to tattooing.  I’m going to put it out there, what I’ve seen so far, you wouldn’t be allowed to touch me with a needle.  Somehow I don’t think he’d care anyway.

Anyway, since there are so many artists I think I’m just going to have to give you a link at the bottom and you can look into it when you get a chance, because let’s face it, I don’t feel like writing 16 mini bios.  That being said, lets fast forward to the judging of the convention style tattoos… I’d say 80 percent of the room gets full on kicked in the nuts.  These tats are rough, and that’s being kind.  Out of 15 contestants, remember Kyle already had a shop, only 5 are guaranteed a shop.  The rest must tattoo again this time, a tattoo they feel encompasses who they are as an artist.

The major stand outs in the shops, in my opinion, were again Halo who completely redeemed himself with a beautiful and whimsical faire and Damon who wants to do a day of the dead girl, but his lack of experience seems to squash his 4 years of art school.  I would have totally rocked that faire back piece by the way!  I have to say that the other eight tattoos really didn’t excite me at all.  Most were kind of a yawn and defiantly showed me what the middle is going to be comprised of.

After a heated discussion, not by the judges, but the contestants, the real disgusting personalities seem to unmask themselves to display a bunch of arrogant and self-serving grossness.  Ewwww.  At this point, sadly, you almost don’t want to look at these boring tattoos.  Lord help the judges this season.  Still someone has to go home and, for his lack of experience and fundamentals Damon is selected to go home.  Still think that Kyle hadn’t earned his shop Damon?  Let’s hope for some awesome new work next week.                     

As promised here's the link... Go kyle!

http://www.spike.com/shows/ink-master/bios?season=4

psyching the feels: A psych review

Psych’s back!  Well to finish out the series, wow that was an emotional roller coaster, kind of like the opening of this episode.  We get our chief back, only to have her announce that she is leaving for San Francisco.  I can honestly say I was about to cry when Lassie ruined the moment by trying to figure out if he could be considered for the chief’s job.  Freaking Lassie.  The part that was really sad is that this quick ride only sets up the fortunately – unfortunately that seems to run through this episode.

So Lassie heads over to the mayor’s office and proceeds to completely botch his interview, but in exchange gets offered a very personal cold case.  The mayor’s uncle, Archie a hardnosed crime reporter, was supposedly killed and the SBPD had covered it up to protect a corrupt police chief and mobster.

So what makes this episode awesome?  Well we are all going back in time and everyone gets to be someone from 1967.  Kicking us off is Harry in a wig as the old coroner… I don’t know, I wasn’t too impressed at all.  Still the casting goes forward when they are lead to the remains of an old mob hang out and lounge.  Shawn taking on the role of the mobster king pin, Woody as the chief, Gus as a lounge act, Juliet as the mob girlfriend and Lassie taking up the horn-rimmed glasses as Archie we are thrown into 1967.

First off, I think Shawn is being far too much Columbian drug lord to Gus really wanting to be James Brown…. Both are a little lack luster.  It’s like the cast is phoning it in now that the series is almost finished. 

They discover that the only person still alive to discuss the case with is an aging song bird from the lounge act who admits that the lounge singer was a bit of a gambler, and the chief was actually looking to put the cuffs on the mobster.  Putting these things together he tries to make a case against the singer, but he was arrested the night of the murder in another state across the country.  So that’s obviously a no go.

Next they look into whether or not the mob girlfriend was still alive, surprise! She is.  So they drag the played out whore down town who is flouncing around like a played out … well whore.  She tells another story of Archie as a complete drunk obsessed with a young black lesbian lounge singer.  This is of course not true, however it makes Lassie rethink the case and almost give up.  Cue Archie the ghost, to demand Lassie avenge him!

We know that Juliet was hiding something from Shawn after a closed door meeting with Chief Vick, and the writers tend to dangle it out in front of you for a little bit before they blow the tension completely.  Juliet has been offered the opportunity to go with Vick to San Francisco and she has been looking into taking the opportunity.

Another analysis of Archie’s liver proves that he was not a drunk but was in fact drugged.  So now, who drugged him and why.  For that they go back to the club and discover a wiretap.  The recordings had been hidden in with Archie’s personal belongings at the mayor’s house the whole time and reveal that it was the mom girlfriend Scarlet who was having an affair with the lounge singer.

After solving the case and being named chief of police, Lassie decides to smack us all right in the feels.  Turns out a condition of his being chief is that Juliet cannot go with him at all.  At first, he decides he wants to turn it down because Juliet has become so very special to him.  However, she assures him that it’s okay; she has decided to go with Vick.  So where does that leave Shawn?  Alone in his bed as Juliet drives away… Yep kicked me right in the feels…   

       

Gotta catch up to the walkers! A two week review of the walking dead

So there has been a laps in my coverage of The Walking Dead, for that I’m sorry but in my defense it hasn’t truly been all that exciting and I’ve been buried under paperwork.  So picking up where we left off, we roll with the punches. 

Speaking of rolling with the punches, I have to say Beth is taking all of this incredibly well as she narrates an opening with pages of her diary.   Now those hope flooded pages are kindling as she tromps through the Georgia swamp land with my future husband, Daryl.  Always good to see my “Cajon washed ex-skin head.”  To be honest though, the pair together makes me uncomfortable.  She just looks like a younger version of Andria and that didn’t end well.

The twosome track the other prison survivors to find that there have been walkers along the same path and are attacked by a group of flesh eating monsters.  This gives Daryl very little hope and he makes a very hurtful remark about Hershel’s faith and how it did little to save him from the Governor.  Even I had to call too soon on that one.  After they come upon what they assume to be the last bodies of the prison survivors, Beth seems to lose her “faith” all together.

In the true spirit of the series however, AMC takes us back in time to give us the play by play of what really went down.  We find that Judith is alive!  Way to go baby ass kicker!  She is being cared for by the pair of sisters that had previously been entrusted to Carol who are now traveling with Tyrese.  To say that he is out of his element, well that is an understatement and with the added stress of a zombie dinner bell I’m sure right now he is wondering how he got roped into this.  The elder sister at this point is most likely a sociopath, so far she is killing bunnies, making cryptic comments and after being entrusted with baby Judith as Tyrese rushes in the direction of screams tries a “mercy killing.”  Yeah I don’t need her number for babysitting, thanks.

Thankfully, baby Judith is saved by Carol who has apparently been wondering the wilderness of Atlanta.  Way to go Carol.  With the last breath of a dying man the new family is given directions to follow the tracks to a new built sanctuary.  Hey, what the heck?! Did we learn nothing from the Woodberry disaster?  I mean honestly?  There are no safe places any more people. 

Maggie, Sasha, and the drunken medic seemed to have made a small little pack.  Maggie of course wants to find Glenn; instead she finds what remains of the bus.  A den of walkers.  Still she needs to find confirmation so they agree to let the walkers out of the bus.  Setting up a head shot gauntlet the three begin to take out the passengers one by one.  In the spray of congealed blood paste and intense knife blows, however she cannot seem to find Glenn among the brain munchers.  The reason she can’t find her hubby?  He’s still at the prison.  Seriously people keep track of your shit.

That’s right; Glenn has all the luck as he awakes from a black out safe on a parapet above a gaggle of face eaters.  That is one tough pizza delivery man damn it.  Looking out on the colossal cluster-fuck the prison has become, what does he do? Calls for Maggie.  Really?!  Sure she has been fighting through an over run prison just to wait on you to come around…  Sure…  Make sure to stop into your old cell and cry over a picture of her.  That is totally going to help you out.

Some good comes out of Glenn’s exploration; he finds armor in the riot room and decides he is getting out.  Wait didn’t they try this approach when they needed to clear the prison?  Well either way it gets him through and who do we find sitting in a gated area just staring into the middle distance?  The lesbian sister of the governor’s last lover, awesome.  Two of the wishiest washy characters in the whole damn show are going to team up and find the remaining survivors, well if there are any.  Mind you, Glenn is still recouping from his illness, and there is no cure for her lameness so I’m seeing good things aren’t you?  Well that is until the walkers attack.  Glenn passes out from exhaustion, again… and that leaves Miss Billy Badass to fight them off.  Surprisingly, she can handle herself around a pack of walkers and puts on quiet the display of zombie killing fortitude.  You do your thing girl!  Now all we need is a new character to really drive home this episode… oh wait here comes a military vehicle to introduce Sargent Abraham Ford.  Yeah, not amused.

So, after that episode I really had no feeling one way or the other about any of the characters, everyone seems to be looking for each other and in the back of their minds already resigned that their loved ones are dead.  If the last part of this season is going to be everyone chasing their tales looking for everyone else then color me pissed off and I hope the walkers eat everyone.  Yes, I carried that thought inside me for a week solid and then this little beauty dropped on the screen…

The next week of the walking dead opened with our new character acting all macho man on a set of three walkers.  This guy is most definitely ex-military in all senses of the word.  I do believe that this man would have definitely been a lifer.  So what does “Billy Badass” do?  Start making little flirty quips… I thought she liked a softer touch… okay okay we are out of here.

Let’s check in on the inter-racial post-apocalyptic version of leave it to beaver.  Rick is still frail from his ordeal and it has fallen on Carl and Michonne to try to keep all three of them alive.  How better to do that than by having a breakfast moment that includes fashion advice, revelations about soy milk and a slip about Judith that leads to a quick exit by Carl.  See it’s life as if the walkers never happened right?!  Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

Well walkers or no there is a ton of tender moments between Rich and Michonne as they come to an understanding that they will travel together and try to keep each other going for Carl’s sake.  How do you solidify that bond?  Take the little psycho on a food round up trip and leave the gimp at home.  Rich’s only slipped into several comas since leaving the prison and is still weak from his injuries… what could possibly go wrong?

So now our trio is a duet on a raiding party.  We all say how stingy Carl was with pudding, what is it that Michonne goes after?  Easy cheese!  All joking aside Michonne uses this time to get closer to Carol by telling him about her lost child, Andre Anthony.  This set’s Carl off in a whirl of questions about who Michonne used to be.  And the game of one room, one answer begins.

Back at the house Rick is awaken by the sound of boisterous intruders who obviously have some very devious plans.  Hurray for nefarious marauders!  Well sheriff, where do you hide?  What do you do?  Quickly grab all your shit and dive under the bed.  Congratulations you are officially a 5 year old girl!

Michonne seems to toy with Carl’s interest until he hits the nail on the head about how long ago she lost him.  Yet another touching moment, before they kick the door in on the next room.  That room was by far the scariest I have seen on this show.  Not because of walkers or gore but because it obviously belonged to a small child.  Its pink nursery style walls set me so far off, off wasn’t an option anymore.  Nothing could make the bodies in there blink away for a few moments; here was a family that just wanted to “go out” together.

Now back to Rick’s post under the bed, these faceless invaders are ruthless with each other.  They seem to have no problem killing off their own if it means another can of food or a comfy bed to sleep on.  Rick can only helplessly listen as two men argue over the bed he is pinned under.  When the argument becomes physical he can only hope no one falls to the ground and he is practically holding his breath as the battle rages on.  Thankfully even though he is seen his observer is quickly subdued by a choke hold and that puts the kibosh on any tattling… for now.

Back in the military vehicle, Glenn has been roused from sleep to find his “new friends” have driven him miles and miles from where he wanted to be and demands to be set free.  This is not what Abraham has in mind, nor is he going to just let Glenn get out.  He explains that he is a soldier and that he intends to keep the twosome on his mission.  Glenn has no real interest until Ford introduces Eugene (with a sweet mullet) who is a scientist that knows what happened to cause the walker.  Personally, I think its crap.  I mean really, if you knew anything wouldn’t you say something?

Apparently Glenn isn’t stunned with his response either because he announces that even though Eugene could possibly shed some light on everything and fix the world, Maggie is way more important.  I’m going with maybe, just maybe he knows it’s crap too… just a thought.  Abraham is apparently not used to no and decides that out in the open, totally exposed is a great place to lay a smack down on the ex-pizza delivery guy…  What is attracted to screams and trashy noises?  Oh yeah, walkers.  Not just any walkers guys, these here be corn field zombies.  Yet as undead Jethro looms in the distance, Abraham is not ready to give up his unjustified beat down.  With a tribe of walkers closing in it is up to Eugene to completely fuck up the mission by unloading a hail of bullets into the car and surrounding zombies.  A maneuver he accredits to “a fully amped up state and an ignorance of rapid firing weapons”   in other words being a gun touting asshole.  Still he can see that Glenn know what he is doing and Eugene directs Abraham to go with them claiming Abraham has to trust Eugene because he is “smarter.”  I am really getting the feeling this guy is full of it!

Back at the house Rick is read to make a break for it from under his creaking prison of bed frame.  And with all the stealth of a lame mongoose he sinks into an occupied bathroom.  Now I’m sure when he decided he needed to take a crap, that Rick was the last thing he expected, but with the vicious gang finding Michonne’s clothing he has no choice but to put him down.  I would like to now point out, there was someone calling dibs on Michonne.  At first I was disgusted but then I started to think about it, I’m pretty sure she would kill you, dead, with like a stick or something.  Either way Rick has decided that he’s getting out of the house via bathroom window like a 15 year old girl on a school night.  Now naturally to ramp up more tension the leader of the bandits has to come outside as Rick hides next to the porch and contemplates how he is going to get out of there when he see his “family” coming up the road.  Thankfully, someone in the house freaks out and starts shooting giving them all a clear shot at getting away.  Somehow it all ends up on the tracks again and the trio decides to follow them to the “safe place.”

Abraham, still on the trail, begins trying to appeal to “Billy Badass” to get Glenn to turn around.  This is obviously not working and she basically tells him, look you are a liar.  She points out that he isn’t in it to save the world.  That the world cannot be saved, but at least she isn’t a liar.

Honestly I now more interested in mullet man’s true intentions because, I don’t think he really knows anything at all and that’s the truth.  Thanks walking dead, you dangle a mediocre plot line out there and now I have to see what the hell happens…   

      

Box O’ Noms #1

Today my first graze box came deliciously into my office in hands of my least favorite mail man… If you saw him vs the UPS guy… you’d understand.  Still from the hands of the muskox came a box that brightened my day.  Say it with me… yum!

Graze is a company with a wonderful goal, to provide a sample of delicious snacks in place of the 3pm junk food that clogs our brains with fattening salty goodness that clings to your tummy.  Using a collection of nuts, dips, chews, and mixes they provide natural and delicious swaps.  For the bargain of 6 bucks every two weeks you are delivered a delicious array of munchings and crunchings. 

What came in the box today?  As shown, I received toffee apple, lightly toasted pistachios, keen bean, and cherries & berries. 

Obviously the pistachios were… pistachios, which is awesome because those hard to crack, little buggers are deliciously welcomed in my office any time.  No mystery there.  The toffee apples are a dip made with salted caramel and dried apples, in the words Samwell Tarley “Very tasty…”  Keen bean was what I kind of dreaded as it was a mix of redskin peanuts, chili broad beans and edamame.  Now, I love peanuts and edamame, but I had never had the opportunity to try chili broad beans.  They looked scary and yet something like croutons, a salad topping I absolutely hate.  However, what they were was amazing!  They were lightly spiced with a tiny linger giving the mix a lovely warm complement to the red peanuts.  Finally we get to the end, cherries and berries which was a mix of dried cherries, red grapes, lingonberries, and cranberries.  These all add up to a ruby red burst of sweetness whose crispy flavor that can quell any candy craving.  In all, I would say a good use of six bucks to expand my pallet to a healthier snack combination.    

Creepy Cryptids

Since it is Wednsday we rejoin our weekly review of the ever stagnant season 6 of Face Off on SYFY, aren’t we the lucky ones?  So this week we trip in on a foundation challenge, why there isn’t one every week is really confusing but, maybe they sneak one in when they don’t feel the making of the spotlight creatures won’t take a whole hour. 

This challenge takes our creators to a large open field where there a few rustic army camp looking structure and special guest Howard Berger.  Mr. Berger is an award winning makeup artist known for his work on such films as The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Breaking Bad.  After some gushing and oohs and awes Mr. Berger unleashes the contestants, in groups of two, onto an army of orcs.  The challenge is for each pair to produce a leader orc and 9 other supporting orcs.  That’s right folks we are making an orc production line!

What is produced by the challenge varies from bright hair to electric green with the “orcs” looking more like disgruntled trolls and dark elves.  The highlight of the challenge was Corinne’s sponge paint application.  Once again, girl can paint!  It is her knowledge of the color wheel that grants her the win and immunity from the spot light challenge.

Here this week to introduce the spot light challenge is special guest judge Doug Jones.  Mr. Jones is a creature/ character actor in such films as Hellboy and Pan’s Labyrinth.   This was awesome to see, every special guest judge tends to be behind the scenes which gives great insight to the creative and building process, however this week having an Actor gives our creators an insight to what is the living being behind their creations.  Mr. Jones explains the need to have it be truly organic in feel and as much as he is an actor for these creatures, if he cannot feel the creature… he’s just a man in a suit.

This week’s challenge: Cryptids, the fabulous creatures of Urban legends around the world.  From the Jersey Devil to the Bunyip, these crazy characters have haunted us from all corners of the world… and yet they are so open to interpretation that the idea’s seem to spiral forth in modeling clay.

In the lab there are cohesion, conflict and panic running rampant from all four corners of the room.  First let us check in on our immunity winner Corinne. Corinne has hooked up with Matt and the two have picked “The Jersey Devil.”  There is already a train crashing in on them as Matt panics.  It finally dawns on Matt that his partner has immunity; if they end up in bottom look then you can guess who is taking the long walk?  Add this to his inability to create animal like faces, and he becomes a quivering goo pile.  Think Tess a few episodes back and you can understand that it’s kind of annoying to watch.  He isn’t the only whiner though, Cat has taken up the whine as she buts heads with Daren the Diva.  Seriously, if he were a Broadway play, he’d be a one man show.  Cat sulks away under Daren’s uninspired ideas and is demoted quickly to glue holder.

The emotional rollercoaster keeps chugging along as Tyler and Chloe work hard on the Mapinguari, a creature that encompasses two features that the judges have always hated, fun fur and “baked – in mouths.”  The other major flaw is that there hasn’t been a “photographed sighting” of this thing.  So in the end you are working with items that are despised to create something no one has ever seen.  I’d be pretty stressed too.  However, I’d rather have inspiration problems than the mold problems George and Niko almost had.  Thankfully with four people to pry it all apart the twosome put it all together with literally seconds to spare.  In all of this the only group not stressing out is Grahm and Rashad.  I’d keep my eye on Rashad, the kid has got some talent.

After and angry last look the models head for presentation and judging:

Daren and Cat:  So the whiner and diva attempt to present El Chupacabra.  What ensues is a sad looking, emaciated, spinney Chihuahua.  My frenchie, with tear stain looks happier than this poor thing.  The chest and caul are poorly blended, much to Cat’s dismay.  Still she whines on about not finding her own voice.

Corinne and Matt: Ah, the Jersey Devil, minus the “kangaroo” and well anything really inspired at all.  What we got was a grey, splotchy, mediocre effort with homemade wings that were made from ugly drapes… Should have gone bigger!

Niko and George:  With the craziness that this mold required the Puerto Rican power couple’s Vodaynoy (a fish/frog monster) should have inspired a little more color.  Now, I really liked the sculpt of the face and chest plate however the brightness of the paint and the sculpt of the flipper seemed to just throw me off.

Rashad and Grahm:  Of all the creatures, this one clearly had the most going on and with good reason.  Your typical bunyip consists of so many parts that it’s easy to over load a makeup and find yourself with a 5000lb. creature that looks overworked and over loaded.  The beauty of this makeup was that even though there was so much going on, scales, horns, feathers and tusks, it had a true sense of being a real creature.  The painting was excellent and the scale and feather work gave it a real organic origin that the guest judge felt a real connection to.

Chloe and Tyler:  Starting with two strikes against them (fun fur and a stomach mouth) Chloe and Tyler’s Mapinguari takes the runway with a force.  First off the actor’s ability to roll the stomach and get that effect with the stomach mouth was amazing.  The color and cohesion of the fur pieces left the judges over whelmed, but in a good way.  Truly this is the best case scenario of two people working together to bring forth one creature.

In the end, it is Tyler who walks away with another win for his creep-tastic sculpt while Matt takes the fall for the less than inspiring Jersey Devil.  So long Matt, I’ll miss your hair.

Thank god for Capri sun!

Now I know there are many people out there that think my little product reviews are lame... But this one is for busy moms that are tired of "I'm thirsty!"

Capri sun has put out a reclosable pouch.  Finally!  I as a rule wouldn't by juice packages because you have to finish them in one sitting, and unless he just ran a mile of play ground par core, my son ain't got time for that...  So you end up with a sticky half drank pouch spilling all over... Waste of time and money.  

So naturally when I see this pouch is resealable I'm have to grab it!  They are a twist top with an easy pour spout.  They reseal easily but, if you click too much it can reopen... Kind of a bummer.  Still it's a good amount of juice (11 oz.)... Added with a function that allows it to be handy and lighter than a sippy cup, I'd have to say it's a winner!

Ipsy! Feb Glam is here!

So yesterday, my mailbox was graced by the only thing that I really look forward to receiving every month, that’s right it’s Ipsy day!  Ten dollars, one bag, five beauty samples… What else could make my little heart flutter so brilliantly?

Right off the bat I have to say thank you Ipsy!  The bag didn’t reek of vinyl.  The sad panda moment came in when I opened it and realized that it was way prettier on the inside than the outside.  No Bueno!  Luckily my sister took it off my hands; see the gift that keeps on giving.  I am considering using the one from last month that has the product design as a hair tie and pin holder to try to make it less confusing in the stack of crap.

So now for the contents of the bag:

POP Beauty Plump Pout Mini:  First item out of the bag was this pout plumping mini in peony petal.  I’m totally a fan of all things lip related so of course I was more than eager to bust this sample open.  Unlike other plumpers, this one wasn’t tingly or heavily mentholated.  In fact I call bullshit on the name “plump pout.”  The color was a nice mixture of purple and pink that wasn’t too bright, while still making me wish it had picked a side.  As far as the texture, gloss got issues.  On my hand it was thick, sticky, and tacky.  On my lips it glided very smoothly, but unfortunately it glided off very quickly.  I have to give it 3 out of 5, it was nice and I’ll hold on to the sample as an in the purse back up gloss but it’s definitely not go to.

Zoya Nail Polish:  Next came the product that I instantly thought I wouldn’t like.  The Zoya Nail Polish in Odette was a bottle of darkened, pastel purple which to me screamed Easter not valentine’s day.  As far as a nail lacquer goes, it went on beautifully and the coverage was decent if not better than most of the nail polishes I’ve worked with in the past.  My niece surrendered her paws for this round; on a little girl… it was pretty cute.  As far as dry time I will so that it takes a little while so I recommend the ice water trick unless you are home spa-ing it.

City Color Be Matte Blush:  My third little surprise was the far from little.  It was a full sized blush in Fresh Melon.  At first I was like, really Ipsy? You are seriously sending me an orangey blush?  And yes they are seriously pigmented!  But, I do have to say when applied lightly the warmth it brought my face was amazing in contrast to my contour foundation this morning.  Seriously go out and buy this one, so very worth it as far as blushes goes.

Photo C Velvet Gel:  This product was a bit of a mystery and I had to look it up first, it’s an anti-aging serum.  Fun fact, my mother who knows very little about most of the stuff I get knew exactly what it was and how to use it.  To be honest I tried a bit of it this morning and let me tell ya, I did notice a bit more softness but I get more priming with Porefessional by Benefit.

J.Cat Lashes:  The last trinket was the J.Cat lashes in EL05 which is a mix of alternating long and short lashes.  I haven’t ever tried this design so I’ll save them for Valentine’s Day.  I have however worked with this companies lashes before and I can tell you that all lashes require patience and practice.  Oh and liquid eyeliner doesn’t hurt J.

I have to say, two bags in and I love you Ipsy!

Beyond a shadow...

Well it’s time to go back to everyone’s favorite monster makeup competition, okay the only monster makeup completion on TV at this point, SYFI’s Face Off.  As we slowly weed through this season’s hopefuls I have to say right now that the major talents, at least to me have been Tyler and Rashad.  Sadly, Rashad always seems to be a bridesmaid when it comes to top looks.  This is a double edged sword when it comes to these kinds of competitions, of course you always want the win but, being in top looks at least guarantees you exposure in a good way in front of the judges.

This week we bring in a different guest judge, Oren Peli, the mastermind behind Paranormal Phenomena, to introduce this week’s spotlight challenge.   The challengers come into a room of shadows; literally, there are shadow silhouettes of various creatures on the wall.  The contestants must choose a shadow and make a supernatural creature that casts it.  I have to say, at first I was laughing at how simple this seemed.  Your shape is given to you, all you have to do is build it, right?  Wrong!  Think about it realistically, not only do you have to come up with a creature, you have to conform it to someone else’s prefabricated idea.

Each artist rushes off to sculpt away the rest of the afternoon before the preview.  Everyone seems to be coming along except poor Tanner who cannot seem to grasp scary in his “cute” and “small animalish” nose.  Don’t worry Tanner, your bad luck soon finds a mate in Corrine who had a mold disaster.  Despite all of her efforts, she can’t get the cowl out of the mold.  Frustration mounts as she pounds away but the only thing that results is a broken piece that she discards for a wig and a set of prefabbed ears.

Niko, who is working on what appears to be a bull inspired creature is once again running behind and turns to girlfriend Cat and Tyler to help him out of his timing situation.  A decision that Cat is really going to regret as it cost her time on her mantis styled creation.  Tanner, poor Tanner, has run into yet another problem as he attempts to create horns from red solo cups… While at first I thought “brilliant!”  My next thought was “holy smokes that’s going to weigh a ton!”

On the day of reveal we now see that helping Niko has cost Cat everything but the head of her creature.  Paint is flying every which was as both Cat and Tanner realize they have nothing for the body of their creations.  What do you do? Well you either paint the face with spots of obnoxious yellow (Cat) or you cover him in plastic wrap and pray that it works (Tanner).  Thru all the odds and ends of last looks we get a few fleeting glances, and to tell you the truth none of it looked promising.  Here’s what we got:

Cat: Let’s start with cat and the yellow spots.  She created a mantis creature with no claws.  I would think you needed those but, who am I to judge.  What comes out looks like one of two things, either a man in a mask or a weird pincher faced alien.  The lines in the face are hard and angular and the lines seem to just out with the mass of black paint she used.  The stand out, and not in a good way, is her use of a toxic yellow looking paint that feels spattered as a last ditch effort.

Chloe:  This is supposed to be some sort of cow demon thing, I think.  What she presents is another overly draped creation that looks like one of those cow skull ornaments that people hang when they are trying to go for a south western theme.  I’m really starting to get tired of Chloe using lots of fabric to decrease the effort needed for finer details in a body.

Corinne:   This girls needs to fall on her knees and thank god that she knows how to blend paint.  Even with a cowl mold that was a no go, and using prefabbed ears, what she presented was a goblin clear out of Grimm’s faire tales.

Darren:  Okay, you won’t see thin in the attached gallery, but the only thing that could sum up this creature is “dirty homeless dude with a huge vagina on his back.”  I cannot even begin to dissect this idea.  It’s supposed to be a hunchback that swallows your soul with a mouth on its back, or something… I don’t even care.

George:   George needs to be given a lesson on a color wheel, There are far more colors available than differing shades of red man.  What he has put forth this week looks like a skeleton that is draped in Kool-aide and bubble gum.  Not the worst, but by far not the best thing seen on the run way.

Graham:  This cockroach inspired creature should have took Top look.  You want to feel sick look it up in the gallery.  From the moment it went out, all I could do is writhe in my seat and feel sick to my stomach.  The neck piece is what sells it, I looks like he glued maggots down her throat, and ugh, it gave me a serious case of the hibby jibbies.

Matt: See silent hill… uninspired… next…    

Niko:  This was a large makeup and I give him full credits for that, the face was bullish and the horns were of a decent shape.  However, this bull monster’s face seemed a bit lopsided.  I didn’t fully read it as bull at first.  I read fuzzy, miss shaped, bug, animal thing.  The judges remarked that they were scared of it, really Graham turns your guts out but the fuzzy, bull bug scares you more?

Rashad:  Rashad’s demon character was a brilliant choice and I loved that her horns were so well done.  They really brought something to the creature, but the more I look the more I saw Pan’s Labyrinth and, although she was beautiful, I couldn’t say it was original.

Tanner:  I feel so bad for this guy.  It was heart breaking to watch everything he tried, it all just fell apart.  First the face, it was too teddy bear cute.  The nose was sunken in like my adorable frenchie puppy.  I just wanted to snuggle with it.  The next hiccup was the horns; they were just as I had originally thought, too heavy.  The weight seemed to break the head of the beast leaving nothing in their wake but, disappointment.  Finally, the plastic wrap… the character was literally falling apart as it walked down the run way.  There was no saving this travesty.

Tyler:  Oh my god, how this didn’t end up in top looks just blows my mind.  The details of the creature blew me away.  The vac sealed bubbles on the back contained insects and slime; the little legs sprouting from the well painted mouth piece.  It was all so brilliant.

The top looks were a collection of Corrine, Niko and Graham.  Each one had some very strong elements however, when they announced that Niko would be given the win, I can only say I was strongly against it.  Out of the three I would have gone with Graham’s gut wrenching monster.

The bottom contained Darren, Tanner and Cat.  No shock poor little Tanner was sent packing.  Slowly I’m starting to realize this season is total hit and miss.


Monster Gallery

Return of the walking dead

Last Sunday brought back a large tradition in my house, the gathering of my family to watch The Walking Dead. It returned after its mid-season finale to a somewhat more introspective look at two of our regular zombie slayers, Michonne and Carl.

Before I get into their personal struggles, I just have to stop and say whoever created Hershel’s zombie head, I want one.  That’s right we get to see bitey head of Hershel still moving… Gross!  Thankfully Michonne finds it and put’s him to rest while taking the time to make herself two new pack mules.  Now back to our defining characters of the episode…    

I’m going to come out and say it, I’m not Carl’s biggest fan but, I’m also not on the kill Carl bus either.  This week, however had mixed reviews from our home audience.  Me personally, I think that this episode solidified that Carl’s depiction of the innocence of child hood on this show is officially shattered and he has become a sociopath born of a hostile environment.  My father insists he’s just an unpredictable, whinny, dumbass.  I do think that Carl makes bad decisions, like this weeks over use of bullets and trying to lure walkers away out in the open without a thought that there may be more outside.  However, let’s take a moment to look at where he is coming from shall we?

Carl opened the show four seasons ago thinking his father had died and began forming a bond with Shane when Rick comes rushing back into his life.  He has to watch as his mother is conflicted between Rick and Shane, and then watch as the two men deal with their own feelings for Lori.  Just when there seems to be some normality in a small camp they are attacked and end up fleeing for the road where he sees the only other person his age, Carol’s daughter, be attacked by zombies.  After the road the he is shot while hunting a deer in the woods with his father.   At the farm he fails to kill a tied walker that kills Dale, he sees his best friend has become a walker, half of the people in his life are ripped apart and he watches his father kill Shane.  At the prison he has to watch someone rip his sister out of his mother and then is forced to shoot his mother in the head.  While Rick has his melt down Carl is responsible for his baby sister and has everything around him seem to come tumbling on his shoulders.  Not to mention killing his first human.  Now everyone he knows has basically died in front of him while trusting in his father, his father is on deaths door and from what we can tell his sister has been eaten.  Yea, I’d say right about now he’s earned the right to blow off a few of those teenaged hormones… You know if it weren’t for the fact that he has to deal with the zombie appocolyps.

Carl also isn’t making things easier as he brings his anger with Rick to a boil but, through that anger Rick realizes that things are never going to go back to normal and despite what they come across, the life any of them had known is just a long ago memory.  At this point, Rick should have had a V8.  Sorry but he has this realization every season.

Rick slips into a coma this week leaving Carl to explore the idea of being on his own.  At first, it doesn’t seem to bother him, he even has time to lure out a few walkers before a third joins and then he realizes the true danger of being on his own.  You would think being on the bottom of a dead walker dog pile would be enough for this kid… Of course not, he decides to go tromping into a house making as much noise as possible.  Why he decides to clear the house after raiding it, I have no idea but what he finds is one angry fucker.  In an intense battle where he finds out just how useless a gun can really be, he loses his shoe but gets to keep his life and the 112 oz of pudding.  I would not want to be his internal organs trying to process that.

It isn’t until he is back with Rick’s sleeping body that his true feelings come out.  Rick begins to wake and, just like the rest of us after waking from a long sleep, he is being very walker-esque.  Here we have Carl’s mini melt down as he tells him that he cannot kill him, that he is scared to be alone.  Lucky for Carl’s crying ass, Rick is very much alive and doing much better.

Now I said this was also an episode for Michonne, and I must say I’m glad that they did it this way.  This warrior needed some humanity.  Don’t misunderstand me she is definitely a draft pick for your survival team but, it isn’t until now that we see her as she truly is, a woman, a lover, and what she used to be, a mother.  This hit home.  I couldn’t imagine being able to breathe without my son anymore, and to have the grim fate they elude to in her dream, I could not go on living.

Michonne’s past is pieced through for the audience in a dream sequence that reads as a flash back that starts in a gentler time.  Slowly the story unfolds to the identity of her first to “pets” Mike and Terri, and that she had a toddler at one point.  In the dream the world around her starts to crumble and she wakes in a car where she had been sleeping.  Now being awake physically, I do not think she had woken mentally or emotionally yet.  As she tracks what she believes to be Rick and Carl she seems to be braking into a walker herself.  It isn’t until she sees a walker that looks frighteningly similar that she comes to the idea that she is still here, no matter what has happened, she is still alive.

Her moment of weakness hits in the hollowed out shell of a bar that Rick and Carl had cleared when she cries out to her dead lover Mike and announces that she is still here and she is going to be here.  After that it’s a walker blood bath as she single handedly clears the town in slices of katana fueled furry!

The three finally find each other as Rick wraps up his heart to heart with Carl, I think I’m going to start calling this trio the new apocalypse family.          

Damn it target!

Okay so I go walking into Target and my eyes were just raped by intense color and pattern… I think I’m still reeling from the intenseness.  Dear target, What The Fuck…
This is due to Peter Pilotto’s new collaboration with target.  I think we could call this one a fail.  From intense patterns of geometric design to a barf of skittle speckled flowers all of it leaves a person looking like a home ec disaster.
Maybe it’s my bias but each of these fabrics just screams busy, in the way that a crying toddler can beat on your last nerve with a sledge hammer.  Anyone one ever seen Misery?  The way Kathy Bate’s hobbles the main character? Yeah that’s what this is doing to my inner fashion diva.  I just want reasonable colors and cuts… classic, clean, what’s so wrong with wanting to display a woman’s beauty for who she is?  We are not birds, please leave the distracting plumage to another species.
The most disturbing thing, you know besides the color, the pattern, the shape or the cut... Is the fabric used in these fashion abortions.  Seriously who does this?  Each piece just feels like something cheap, without the cheap price tag.  At least when I buy a dress at other stores the price matches the quality.  For some reason the materials and craftsmanship has gone down in target clothing while the prices continue to rise.  The one strong staples now have given way to cheaper synthetic fabrics while the prices seem to have doubled.  When a crappy T-Shirt hits 25 bucks you know you have an issue.
Thanks for trying Target but I think I will stick to using you as a place to by my cheapo make up and lean cuisine's...

Just a thought

Well here we are on Monday afternoon and I finally get the time to crack open the processor and get out something that hasn’t been really bugging me but, I need to say…

An Open Letter to Men

I am a single mom and make sure to fully disclose this fact from the beginning.  I make no great length to hide my son’s existence; in fact his foot print is tattooed on my forearm.  I take a lot of pride in being a mom and my son’s mini milestones, and can tell you all about how awesome he is all the time, but I don’t.  In fact when it comes to every one of my friends that I have picked up in various locations of the adult variety, only about 5% of them ever see my son in the flesh.  So, when you tell me that you cannot be involved with me because I have a child, I laugh. 

Now, I know that most men do not want to step up to another man’s plate but, I never asked you to.  In fact I thought we had been just flirting for the past two months and was responding to the actions you had taken.  Let me clarify. 

If a man approaches a woman and engages in flirtatious activity, comments, flattery and physical behavior with a woman who has fully disclosed all of her personal information pertaining to offspring and living situations one could gather he has come to the conclusions that he has assumed the risk.  Apparently I am incorrect.  You see what I had experienced on Friday evening was a cowardly lion who knowing full well my situation had previously engaged in a bit of a tryst with me.  Mind you this didn’t go very far, and I am thankful for that, but still it seemed to be positive on both sides for a few months leading up to this moment, when he decides to tell me that because of my son, he cannot be involved with me.  Well, I’m glad that this major part of my life that I never showed interest in sharing with you and that you had known about the whole time is too much for you.

Never once have I ever tried to daddy up anyone I’ve been involved with.  My son has a head strong and powerful role model in me and I have been playing all sides for three years.  I would like men to know that using our children as an excuse to dismiss us is fine, but do not hold out until we believe there could be something there.  If a woman with a child is not for you I highly suggest that when you find out about said child that it ends right there.  Not after a flirtation, not after a swapping of information, and although not pertaining to this case definitely before swapping bodily fluids!  It is perfectly okay that I and other women like me get skipped over because we have offspring, but it is not okay for you to dangle a toe in the water while you decide if we are too much to handle. 

KThanxBai

      

Gusing up the machine

Well after the sad news about psych was released by USA yesterday afternoon I set forth with the idea to savor all of the remaining episodes of psych that I can soak up, and then “Cog Blocking” happened.  Every season it seems they have to throw Gus a bone and have an episode that celebrates his side kicking goodness.  Unfortunately, Gus is not leading man material.  Don’t misunderstand me, I love “magic head” and I truly believe that without him Shawn would fall a bit flat, but that does not make him a leading man at all.

So we open with Gus going to work as a pharmaceuticals rep at central coast pharmaceuticals, yes he still works there, and he is the very definition of worker bee.  In the tradition of all worker bees his boss takes the opportunity to make his life miserable 5 min into the office.  I’d feel bad for Gus except he has had so many opportunities to break out of the “cog set,” that to be honest I just expect weakness.  In a huge juxtaposition we have Shawn sleeping away his sloth like life in a hammock in the psych office.  Always the strong and responsible figure *cough* over bearing and controlling *cough* in Shawn’s life, Henry takes the time to address Shawn’s lack of ambition or ability to accumulate a “monthly nut.”

Insulted by being called a leech, Shawn declares that he will become gainfully employed.  Immediately he sets off to ask everyone he knows for money.  He learns of a body over the police scanner and swings by the office to grab Gus.  Let’s be honest it was really to get Gus to drive him around in the blueberry.  When they get to the crime scene Lassie is quick to put him in the box marked suicide.  What scares Gus, is that he could double for the body.  Everything in the apartment screams of average Joe, worker bee, go nowhere with his life but straight to the vanilla entombed in a loveless, earth toned apartment.  Taking pity on Gus’s life crisis Shawn tries to convince Lassie it’s a homicide, really Gus has decided to take this up as his own personal crusade.

When they go to the victim’s place of work they find that no one seems to care about the loss of their co-worker Rus.  This is like confronting what would happen if Gus were to die.  No one knew him, or about him, they consider him bland and almost invisible.  He kept to himself, but was the top seller in his division and was considered a highly efficient employee.   Each comment about him being insignificant registers on Gus as if they were made about him.  While searching through Rus’s office, the number two seller comes into Rus’s computer and Gus snaps causing a huge scene in order to steal a door key off the janitor’s cart.

This change of character puzzles Shawn as Gus throws himself deeper into a more “Dangerous Gus.”  While breaking into the office at night they discover an email under the names of characters from the movie The Net.  The email leads to a restaurant for a meet up where Gus unloads a list of movie references trying to guess the name it’s under only to have it be under the victim’s real name.  Good try Gus.  The meeting is with a blind woman with beautiful long black hair who recognizes the Gus is not Rus.  With a few spinning moves both Gus and Shawn are taken out by a “blind ninja.”

At the coroner’s office, Woody discovers that the suicide was most likely staged and explains that there were traces of a pill that is deadly for people with heart conditions like the victim was experiencing.  Woody then shows them a stamp to “Putan on the Ritz” which is a shady Russian night club.  Why Santa Barbara seems to have so many Norwegian and Slavic night spots I have no idea.  The bar is a euro trash disco, however thus far it’s also a dead end.

Next, is the victim’s apartment again where Gus expresses that he sees the victim as himself.  Thinking as himself allows him to find clues in the victim’s apartment.  What he finds is a death certificate and an address, but for who?  The address leads to Gus elbowing in a glass window.  He’s taking this very seriously I see.  Once again we are met with the mysterious blind woman with two guns.  What on earth is a blind woman doing with two blind?!  Okay, she’s not blind she just has really crappy eyesight.  She explains that she is an investigator who was helping the victim uncover a fraud ring, and Gus begins his awkward flirty shit.  Nauseating. 

Back at Woody’s office, Woody notices that the cert is for a body he worked on but, the date is wrong.  The cert is dated two months prior and the body he had was only 5 days ago.  Upon investigating the name on the cert they find his wife who explains her late husband had taken out a loan to open up a male strip club. 

It appears as though he was borrowing against his life insurance policy, but how is that possible?  Well it’s not.  However, using forged documents the head of the company was able to get the policies to pay out in order to fund loans for unsavory people in exchange for a piece of the action.  Basically, he was forging to collect and extort.  A cute little scam until the person taking out a “loan” dies for real and his widow attempts to collect on the policy.  That’s how Rus discovered the scam and he paid for it with his life.

This is a huge wake up call to Gus who in turn quits his sales gig to stop living the “cog” was and live the “Gus” way.  My only issue with it is this guys… What happens now that Gus, who was the bread winner of the whole operation, is unemployed?  Lesson learned, don’t give Gus an episode, it will be just as forgettable as he tends to be at his day job.  Sorry Gus.