Fink Master: An Ink Master Recap

So last night we saw what a sham Ink Masters really is with its totally useless and absurd finale.  In the previous year we were treated with to interviews with previous contestants, live tattooing with a purpose and clips of the artists tattooing in their home towns and we got that again, sort of.

This year’s crop of interviews seemed to be very light as they were constantly being cut off and redirected when they arrived at the overall feeling of favoritism that the artists felt the judges were applying to Scott Marshall.  Even the interview with Kyle Dunbar displayed the arrogance of the judges as Nunez danced around the issue and attempted to smooth it over.  In the end he came out looking like an even bigger tool.  Several times the idea of Peck and Nunez’s rule bending to help Scott was brought up only to have Dave swat them away and try to redirect to other lesser drama.  If you have to redirect people from the same ending more than three times, there is something wrong.

There was no tattoo off this year but, last year’s winner was there to tattoo live.  What I didn’t understand wasn’t why he was there but, how someone as talented as Mr. Hamilton is botched that design so badly.  Just goes to prove that maybe the judges don’t know everything because the finished product was jacked.

After all of that nonsense it was time for Dave to ask America to vote for their favorite artist and unveil the finished back pieces.  Right off the back there was a huge similarity between Sausage and Scott.  I mean they might have been asked to tattoo the same kinds of ideas, it was that freaky. 

During the critiques Sausage received great marks for his piece with very tiny nitpicks by Oliver Peck.  He was complemented by his use of space, skin breaks and over all flow of design.  Matti kind of blew this one with a very cluttered design that I felt was not open enough and just kind of faded into nothing.  That is one of the judges pet peeves so right there I knew Matti was out.  It was Scott who received an even harsher critique as his face was described as wonky and incorrectly shaped.  It was a multi colored blah in my opinion.

Sausage ended up winning America’s vote, but in the end that means nothing because the final word is up to the judges.  Keeping in mind everything that was said about his tattoo I braced myself for Sausages victory.  This was not to be; in a shocking turn of events the judges gave the title to Scott proving that it is flat out rigged.  The entire game was set up for Scott and everyone one watching knew it as the crowd hailed down “boos.”  It’s clear that this show isn’t in need of new artists; it’s in need of new judges.   

Snake's in the garden: An Ink Master Review

This week on ink master, my blood boiled all over my living room.  This recap is unfortunately going to read more like a rant than an overall retelling of what happened because to get everything in I’d have to write four separate posts and a recap.  No thank you.

So, we rejoin the remaining five artists for a flash challenge that will put to be the idea that Scott cannot draw.  The artists were asked to draw the iconic, statue of liberty and then to tattoo the statue using only the drawing as reference.  Seems simple enough, except for while you are drawing the statue, you are on a boat which is moving quickly and rocking to the point where Halo becomes ill.  My mother sympathizes Halo.  During the reveal of the tattoos from the flash challenge is where my first beef with this episode came to a head.  Scott left out a spike, that’s pretty big when you are doing one of the most recognized figures in the world wouldn’t you say?  Well the judges did point it out but were quick to brush it off and really ooohhh and awe over the pedestal in the design.  Then they turn around and nail the other artists for even lesser mistakes.  All of this is of course voiced over by Scott Marshal throwing a bigger temper tantrum than my three year old in a toy store.  Seriously man, what happened?  Someone take your cookie at snack time?

Thankfully, the judges give the win to Halo, who I believe deserved it, and that gave me some hope that maybe they weren’t all rallied around Scott.  My blood however, didn’t get to chill long as Scott appealed to Halo to try to protect him and take out Melissa.  What a coward!  You have made everyone, nothing but miserable with your chump like attitude and now you want Halo to protect you?!  Go get your blanket and juice box and sit in time out you big baby!

This week’s challenge was my least favorite next to American traditional art, Japanese.  I love the culture of Japan, I just personally do not care for the imagery of Japanese tattooing.  Can I appreciate that it is tradition and culture?  Of course and therefore you need to really take the time to understand it before attempting an application, which is why I hate seeing it on ink masters.  This week using the principles of Japanese tattooing the artists must design a snake tattoo.  Ugh, the end results were abysmal all around.

Right out of the gate, Sausage had it bad.  He was asked to do a cobra, which is not prevalent in Japanese tattooing in the Japanese style.  This isn’t really going to end well is it?  Well in an attempt to show proportions, Sausage then added a skull that was way too small and left it looking like the snake itself was abnormally long.  What else was too long?  The three mile tongue he put in… Oh it was really hard to watch.

Poor Melissa’s attempt to hang in there and try her best with references seemed to fall short of the judges sympathies this week.  Personally, I thought it was a solid design and between hers and Matti, who won the challenge, she was a more comprised piece.  The glaring flaw was the size of the head according to the judges, which if you look isn’t that far off of Matti’s which makes me question whether it’s because of the design or that it was a woman who did it.

Halo turned in an atrocious piece whose border looked like a tombstone.  The snake double backed on itself and just refused to flow well with the body.  Man, like I said everyone was ruff this week.

As I mentioned earlier Matti won, and I am still trying to figure out how.  Personally I didn’t see anything really spectacular in the design or the approach to the tattoo at all.  It was a decent tattoo, but nothing really struck you as heart felt or amazing in any way.

Now, what was horrible was Scott’s piece.  Not only was it bad, so was his attitude to the canvas, the very same attitude he critizized Jay for having weeks prior.  He threatened to drag her by her hair… Who does that?!  You freaking Neanderthal!  The snake itself was a combination of Japanese and new school which can be referred to as utter crap.  Even the guest judge was offended.

Now the judging is where I lost control and walked around the house screaming obscenities.  Weeks ago my least favorite judge declared that this competition would go tattoo per tattoo.  A bad week could send you home… So when it was Scott and Melissa, I would assume that Scott would be packing because his tattoo was clearly weaker.  No, Scott stayed, siting his body of work.  So let me get this straight not only are you a bitch, but you’re a liar that plays favorites.  That’s when it hit me, there has never been a female ink master, there has never been a female guest judge that I can clearly remember… I’ll have to double check that one by the way… and Melissa was the judges pick for bottom… They didn’t kick her because of the piece they kicked her because she is a girl in a male industry.  Do I think she could have won? No… Do I think she beat Scott’s piece of shit? Definitely… Do I think the Judges play favorites?  Obviously… Will I watch next season? Doubtful. 

Tattoo Tag-Teams: An Ink Master Recap

This week on Spike TV’s Ink Master should have been re-slatted from “Tattoo Tag-Team” to “Everybody and their mother hates Gentle Jay.”  Hell even my mother hated Gentle Jay!  So, why do we all hate Jay?  Well quite frankly it’s his attitude.  Much like Josh from the previous season, Jay assaulted the viewers with his “mine’s bigger” persona and complete delusional approach to the competition.   For some reason, he has come to believe that the other artists are intimidated by him, and his body of work this season begs the question “WHY?!”

 

There was no flash challenge this week, so the remaining artists are shoved into the elimination challenge, working in teams of two they must create a piece that looks as if it were done by one individual.  That’s it, no specific style or theme, just you and your partner switching off every hour.  Right out of the gate, no one wants Jay.  This is where douche bag of the year jumps into his verbal and mental assault on the audience, I mean he attempts to mushroom stamp you with his arrogance disguised as delusional confidence.  Unfortunately, poor Melissa is linked to the boat anchor and it shows right on her face.  His reaction:  “She needs to clean the **** up and put a ****** smile on her face.”  Are you kidding?!  All you do is complain about everyone else?  What you think you’re a prize?  Come on man, we have all seen your work, your terrible!

 

So the artists break into their pairs and right away it seems like team Jay-lissa has completely ran aground.  Jay believes he is pulling the weight on their elephant tattoo and it’s clearly the opposite as he has abandoned her with 2/3rds of the tattoo.  As for team Scott/Halo, Scott has officially decided he is going to be the Dom around the shop and continuously pokes Halo with his opinion stick.  Halo is a champ for not stabbing him with the gun!  Still you know the piece is going to be top looks just based on the fact that the two have a great report and way to integrate their talents.  Sausage and Matti, well at this point at least we know they won’t be in the bottom but their Japanese inspired design is kind of letting them down.

 

Jay has taken it upon himself to blame everything bad in the tattoo on Melissa, who finished the whole tattoo.  If anything I want whatever drugs he’s on because his confidence and arrogance is off the charts.  Look man starting off a collaboration with “I acknowledge that she’s speaking but I’m not listening,” you are putting yourself in the bottom before ink ever touches the skin.  Consistently ignoring your team mate and then trying to tell her what to do doesn’t mean you’re a better artist, it means you are a dick.

 

When the tattoos are revealed, it’s clear who can work together and who should never speak to each other again.  So first was Scott and Halo’s beautiful Carousel horse with a tentacle mane giving the canvas both elements of the horse and the octopus that she was looking for.  I loved the color shading that Halo popped into this piece and it was clear that the team really shined together.  Good for them!

 

Next up was Sausage and Matti and their Hana mask, which looked more like a fat green Muppet dragon.  The design did not really ring through for me at all but, it was smooth, saturated, and full color showing contrast and dimension.  Ultimately, a great piece that just lacked a good design.

 

As for Melissa and Jay, the elephant was adorable!  However the added pieces just seemed to really detract from what could have been a great design.  It just seemed like they took a bunch of stickers and created a crappy collage.  So sad for Melissa, but what’s worse is that Jay decides to shove her far under the bus to save himself.

 

Thankfully it comes down to a tattoo face off as Melissa and Jay have to tattoo a Leopard and rose designed by guest judge Luke Westmond.  Man, I hate traditional!  So naturally Melissa finds herself being coached by Halo, Scott and Matti… Okay mainly Scott.  Yeah they became worse than helicopter parents at a kiddie park, but it pays off as Jay is cut loose.  What are his parting words?  “Fuck you Scott…”  Stay Classy Jay…           

Reference or plagiarism?: My Answer to Gentle Jay's Whinning

About last night’s Ink Master debate… That was ridiculous!

 

After turning in their finished pieces Gentle Jay decides he has seen Scott’s tattoo before and immediately hits the internet looking for an image.  What he brings to the table is a picture of a sculpture of a Samurai riding a horse that does bare some similarity to Scott’s Samurai.  Guess what?! That’s not plagiarism… At least not how I or any of the judges saw it.

 

What Scott had done is use the statue as reference.  Everyone uses a reference idea when they create these pieces.  Do you honestly believe that any illustration of a Samurai is going to be 100% original? No because it is an iconic image with a wealth and history behind it.  You’re going to look up several renditions of the Samurai to compile an idea of what you want it to look like.  That is exactly what Scott did.  Is it clear where he got his idea? Yes… Is that an accurate depiction of the spirit of this competition? Maybe not, but it is not cheating.

 

What would classify as cheating to me in the realm of tracing?  If he were to take another person’s tattoo and re-tattoo it line by line… This is obviously not the case with the tattoo Scott did.  There were even changes in the design.  The rider was more smashed down and had his arm raised unlike the original piece, there were strong elements that were similar but not enough to be exact.

 

Even if it had been a trace, let me point out that other people in the competition have traced existing designs before (like Josh from last season) without being called into question.  How about the monument challenge or the portrait challenges… are you going to tell me you will do those without getting an exact of the image?  Maybe it’s the mom in me, but the only thing I could say was maybe it was time that Jay worry about Jay and not about Scott.

 

And all of this, by the way is on the coattails of Jay’s horrible tattoo.  Perhaps that’s a better use of his time and energy instead of trying to treat a client like dirt for his substandard work.  I honestly think it’s time that Jay packs his machines and heads home… to the rock he crawled out from under.   

Warriors in Ink: An Ink Master Recap

After last week’s major blow out we regroup for another episode of Spike TV’s Ink Master, the whiniest season ever!  What’s amazing is where they ended up for the flash challenge as the artists are herded into a boxing gym to meet Brandon Rios and create a custom grill that embodies the boxer and his image.  Let me go right out there and say it, these things are ridiculous to me.  I mean it seems like such a waste and then to have to engrave one seems kind of remedial but, I’m not the one making challenges.

 

Each artist set to work to make the most detailed piece they can for “Bam Bam’s” seven front teeth.  I’m sure you can read my resentment at the obscurities of grills.  Each of the artists set to work and thankfully they really tried for uniqueness, unfortunately it’s the uniqueness that really killed a few of the designs like Matti’s Aztec garbage and Sausages odd lettering.  In the end it was Scott’s full gold grill that won the challenge, even though I don’t really see what’s so detailed about block letters and one diamond. 

 

With Scott handing out sculls again, well we all know that Sausage is going to get shafted, however it’s Gentle Jay that really gets the short straw with a difficult client.  This week’s challenge is the test of detail as each artist is asked to tattoo a warrior.  A warrior is one of the best examples of detail given their armor, weapons, posture and muscle structure and now it is up to the remaining six to bring these canvases some kick ass tattoos.

 

Gentle Jay’s client was being portrayed as a difficult client but, I am not sure about that.  Gentle Jay was in no way perceptive to the wants of his client and constantly asserted that because it was a free tattoo he needed to shut up and just let him do what will win.  You have to understand that, although this is a competition the client is still a human and deserves to be listened to and respected.  All the client was looking for was reassurance that Jay was listening to what he wanted, which he was clearly not.  Now, if Jay actually had a track record for solid work then maybe I can see him taking the reins but, if you look back at each piece, he clearly lacks the ability and that anger shows through in his piece.  Everything in that Spartan looking warrior was off, the helm looked misshapen the background was beat to hell, the trees looked like gnarled lines of nothing.  All around his piece matched his attitude, piss poor.  Now, the commercial did promise us that Jay may have uncovered tracing… take a look at the next post because I need more room for that fiasco.

 

Joining Jay in the weaker end of the spectrum was Melissa.  I actually like Melissa, her presence is uplifting, however I just don’t see ink master in her right now.  This Aztec warrior women, is slowly changing my mind.  I loved it!  I thought she was beautiful and striking with a hint of battle worn sexiness but, I did see a few flaws in placement.  I can see why she chose to shift the hugely detailed headdress over just a bit but it did look a little confusing, and the darkness in the nose was strong but I have a feeling that after it heals it will be a beautiful piece.  Well done.

 

Next we have Sausage who put out another solidly beautiful piece this week.  Now, as far as a warrior, she was strong and convied power and might.  The beading and feathers as well as the splash of red paint put in a lot of great details.  As far as a woman, she needed a little help.  She was bulky and over muscular, but the biggest flaw was the need to elongate the arm just a little bit so that it gave her more shape.  Still, a very beautiful piece; proof that his bedside manner, in this industry, really should become a cornerstone.

 

Halo shined through this week, everything that Jay’s Spartan wasn’t, Halo made sure his was.  I really loved this piece.  The buckles in the armor was so well placed and designed to flow along the body, what was not however, was the shield.  The way it was placed on the warrior’s arm seemed to be lacking in the display of the body itself.  Maybe if he had extended it or placed it further on the arm… I’m not sure.

 

Scott chose the Samurai for himself this week and opened a can of worms with Jay, but more about that later.  First the tattoo itself is great, as long as you do not look at the Samurai.  His horse is absolutely amazing looking and gives it a really strong presence.  The warrior looks dark and somewhat smashed together.  It’s like a Samurai turtle!

 

Finally our winner this week was Matti, with a full color Viking.  He was the only one to do full color this week which was a huge risk but, apparently one that was a good idea for the judges.  I can’t say that I agree at all with this decision.  The tattoo looks cartoonish and to me doesn’t really depict anything that I don’t see in comic books.  True Vikings never wore the horned hats and it drives me crazy when I see on because it’s just ridiculous.  I think he won because of color and that’s the only reason…

 

So who went home?  Well there’s your surprise this week kiddies!  Despite his bad behavior and making an ass of himself they keep Gentle Jay and Melissa who both were looking at the block in an effort to keep this competition strong.  I really think it’s because they realized they needed more episodes than they had people.  Good night everybody!

Chris Nunez is a bitch

Chris Nunez is a bitch.  There isn’t any way to say it than to just say it.  Now I’m not saying anything against the body of his work and extensive career.  He has proven that he is well versed in the fundamentals of tattooing.  What I am calling into question is his obvious arrogance, attitude, and overall cowardly character.    

 In the case of Kyle Dunbar, he admitted several times on camera that he was “pushing” Kyle.  What he may perceive to be pushing looked an awful lot like hazing to me.  It was clear that his personal dislike of Kyle had taken over his ability to judge Kyle’s work.  Even when Kyle turned in good work Nunez was quick to smack it down.  Often, this disgraceful judge would refuse to see problems in his favorite artists works in an effort to edge Dunbar out.

All of this would have been whatever if it hadn’t been for, in my mind, the worst offenses.  Having another contestant report back to Kyle just to say his work was crap.  Let me get this straight, you guys get to pick who goes home and didn’t pick him, but you want him to one more time hear that his work is crap.  That makes perfect sense.  The next week we see a regroup and Kyle calls Chris out.  That should be his right.  I would want to hear it face to face as well.  Instead of taking ownership, Nunez denies saying anything.  That is being a coward.

If you are going to go so far as to tell others to tell someone they suck, you had better own those words pal.  So yes, I am on Kyle’s side, and yes I think Nunez is a bitch.  If you think his behavior was okay, that’s on you but if you lock someone in a cage and poke him with a stick don’t be surprised when they eventually snap and want to stab you with said stick.

Tears of a demon: An Ink Master review

This week on Ink Master was positively, the most clear definition of cluster fuck I have yet to see form this show.  I am going to take a moment to explain really quickly, I will not be discussing the fight that happened between Chris and Kyle in this post.  I do plan to post about it and you can check that out when I get to it.  So, after Kyle’s ejection from the game the remaining 7 artists set up for the flash challenge by pairing up, leaving sausage all by himself.  This week we celebrate the fundamental of negative space, and they decide to show this in more of a “bang” than a flash as the artists must use gun powder to create an image.  How these morons kept from blowing each other up?  I’ll never know… Still there doesn’t seem to be any end to the roll of Halo and Scott’s dominance in the flash challenges, as their pyramid design seems to dial in with the judges, much to the dismay of Sausage and Matti.

As I said this week was all about negative space, but what is negative space?  Negative space is the element of unmarked or uncolored space that accent’s your piece.  Using open space, you create a light and dark dynamic that can elevate a tattoo from ordinary to extraordinary.  There is no better medium for this than my favorite, black and grey tattooing.  Black and grey tattooing requires using shading and natural skin to almost carve out your piece and is, to me the essence of a true Ink Master… but, as I said I have a very strong bias.  Now that we have a type of tattoo process the contestants must use, it becomes time to introduce the guest judge Rob Zombie who is looking for demonic tattoos this week.  As Halo and Scott distribute skulls it’s clear that they are gunning for Sausage and aren’t going to stop until he is scraping the bottom of the barrel.

The big problem with trying to screw someone like sausage over is this; he has awesome client relation skills and a calm demeanor.  True, he can be a little whinny with the other contestants, but with his clients, he is a master negotiator.  If it’s a bad design, he is there to convince you that while your idea was amazing here is one that will help accent your true intentions.  If it’s a horrible placement, he’s your friend trying to help you celebrate your body.  It’s creepy how he just seems to have that bed side manor to propel him forward, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly talented.  This challenge is no exception as he takes a horrible canvas and turns out a glorious gargoyle.  No really, for what he had to work with, he gave this punk kid an awesome chest piece.

What’s really interesting to me is that while Matti, Halo and Scott are focused on trying to knock out Sausage, it’s only bolstering the confidence of the tiny fish in this competition.  Jay, Lydia and Melissa seem to be just swimming along with the current not realizing that for the most part they are drowning.  It’s like watching a hot chick at a par walk around with toilet paper on her heel.  She thinks she is queen bee, but in all actuality she’s just walking around in shit.  Jay and Lydia, steam rolling through the over confidence crap!  These two truly believe they have found their wheel house and the only thing you want to scream is go home!

As far as the tattoos that are put forward for judging, I have to say that this week I was left completely underwhelmed.  It’s so sad when you know that an artist just isn’t bringing it to the table.  Nothing could be closer to the truth in this round of seven boring and generic demons.  Starting with the top of the pack, Sausage’s gargoyle was by was the best tattoo of the day.  In a negative space challenge his piece used the skin in a way that popped the image well and with clean black lines he was able to get that eye catching contrast.  However, at the end of the day, like all the designs, it felt stale.

Halo’s succubus was just bad this week.  The problem is that unlike his other pieces he lacked major focus.  Halo needs to dial back into the clean and clear designs that he was pulling out with the successful sea turtle.  Between her crooked horns and claw bra I just didn’t see the cohesion that I like in his work.  Sadly, this is not the time for those mistakes and it did send him to the bottom three this week.

Scott, however in my opinion was far less successful as he didn’t even really do a demon per say.  What Scott did was a very detailed scary face.  I didn’t see anything that really made it a demon.  Was it a sound design? Yes, but was it what the challenge was looking for? No!

Lydia, who claimed that this was her bread and butter, really missed the mark.  Her devil dog seemed to be lost in the hair and the “negative space” seemed nonexistent.  The biggest flaw by far was the drool that seemed to mix in with the hair leaving the translation of the piece muddled.  It’s that lack of clarity that sent her to the bottom three this week.

Melissa’s attempt at a skin rip, although not that effective, in my opinion was not as bad as other artists in the pack.  Sadly, I don’t see Melissa as a master but there are some really nice elements in this tattoo that I think were over looked.  I did love the skin and teeth of her demon and there was a total fierceness that Lydia’s was lacking.

Matti’s demoness was so flawed that it can only be described as a “ugly” Disney princess.  The fingers were broken, the eyes were flat, it just doesn’t have the teeth to compete.  In my opinion this was the weaker female demon of the week and makes me question halo’s demotion to the bottom three.

Finally there was Gentle Jay’s attempt at the prince of darkness.  He was asked to tattoo Satan himself, in front of Rob Zombie.  I think that qualifies as stressful.  Still with those pressures where he lacked pressure was in his application.  His image needed black; it thirsted and screamed for black.  Rob said it best “It looks like Satan dropped a flashlight.”

In the end Sausage took a well-deserved win home tying with Scott for the season and Lydia was let go leaving us with only Melissa to represent the fairer sex in this completion.  We wish her extreme luck, but sadly this looks like it’s a man’s world.

Cover That Up!: An ink master recap

Welcome back to the tattoo competition that uses tears as lubricant, Spike Tv’s, Ink Master.  So, it is no unknown fact that this season kind of feels like a joke to a lot of the fans, with low level artists and predictable trumped up drama.  It’s like they looked at the numbers that last seasons hated Josh Hibbard must have brought in and cloned that moron several times over.  It’s a new kind of low for this dog and pony show that only seems to get worse with the judges clearly overlooking several flaws in the works of artists that they have pegged as favorites.

What am I talking about?  Well this week’s flash challenge was a clear indication that they blatantly disregard crappy tattoos done by house favorites while picking on contestants for obvious personal distain.  This week’s challenge was to test adaptability by combining an image and a script that describes how each canvas lives life to the fullest.  The results range from beautiful, to absolutely horrifying, to not even finished.  Now, for the past few weeks the judges have put Scott and Matti on a pedestal and began to preach the “they can do no wrong rederick,” so when Matti’s script ends up being complete shit they turn to golden boy Scott.  One glance at this piece tells you there were major design flaws… First off, you can’t even tell what it says; in fact Halo had to ask when Scott showed it off.  What is supposed to be large, I’m guessing graffiti lettering, that is supposed to say triumph with a flag, came out looking like a hodge podge of block shapes with a backwards flag.  The judge’s oooh and awe over it like Scott just invented the wheel.   Thankfully, they come to their senses and give the award to Halo, who did do a spectacular pit bull combo with decorative script.  But, what really got to me was Kyle’s critique, now I’ll admit Kyle has been whinier this season than the previous season; however it’s easy to tell why.  It’s all steaming from the definite fact that Judge Chris Nunez does not like him, on a personal level.  Every week, Nunez rides him and picks apart every detail in his work while letting other huge design mistakes slide.  He has admitted on camera that he picks on Kyle.  I’m no stranger to the behavior of pushing with criticism, it runs rampant in my family, but his approach is shit.  All he does is pick without ever a good mention, all this will do is cause deep seated rage which looks like it will explode next  week as Nunez didn’t have the balls to tell Kyle to his face, what it is he thinks of him.  Instead he sent a message back with the surviving bottom contestants.

With that aggravation, I moved into the elimination tattoo, cover ups.  I’ve always hated cover up week, probably as much as most of the artists hate “Asian” week.  I just find them to usually be uninspired and a bit typically flat.  So, when they revealed their master pieces there wasn’t too much excitement at the Lovett house hold and we weren’t thrilled or disappointed.  The only part that did thrill us was that in this episode there would be two eliminations. 

Weekly Breakdown:

Melissa:  Melissa was cursed with a horrible canvas with a horrible idea of a new age engine.  I seriously feel for her, but bad canvases are just a part of this industry and some days you end up being the wind shield, this day she was a bug.  The engine itself looked flat with uneven lines and the color didn’t really saturate correctly, but what lost me was that bizarre green border she put on it.

Sausage:  It was a great idea, and had some really great flow but the highlights and shadows seem to accent parts that I’m not sure really should have been accented.  The dark shadows don’t really break up the design as much as over complicate it.  Still, better than what the client had.

Jim:  The shape of the roses just seemed so out of touch with the elements of a graceful design and the butterfly seems flat.  Now the flatness seems like it is due to bad decisions in color choices, it’s just too light.  When you see flowers and butterflies you think of bright vivid colors.

King Ruck:  Man am I tired of this guy, it’s big, it’s clunky and most importantly there is a huge black spot right in the center.  Yeah I just don’t know where all this is coming from… But, it needs to stay there.

Kyle:  I actually liked this one, and the judges ripped it apart.  The flaw would be the placement of the trunk and how it sat on her thigh but to me I thought the piece was colored beautifully and that the minimalist nature of it complemented her body instead of over whelming it.

Lydia:  A grey scale skull, not really inspired.  Good enough to not go home, by the way you pretty much rammed it into the other tattoo.

Matti:  Nice color, even design, just really big.

Gentle Jay:  It’s a huge blob of black crap.  Seriously there is almost no element of this tattoo that I would have kept at all.  The shape of the skull bugs me, the joint like cigarette bugs me, but nothing bugs me more than the eyes on the cap.  

Scott:  My mom and I both agreed that it was a scary red patch.  I dislike new age art and this just screamed rinky dink tattoo to me.

Halo:  I loved this turtle, it was almost huggable.  Still here is an excellent place to prove a point, yes this was the best tattoo of the day but compare Halo’s turtle to Kyles.  Kyle had more detail in his and got knocked to shit. 

In the end Halo takes top tattoo, as it should be and he must nominate a bottom.  Jim pleads his case revealing that he is partially color blind.  Okay, aren’t you the one that gave David crap because he was having a medical issue, and this is one you can foresee.  You don’t deserve any special consideration Jim, and your bad attitude confirms it.  Apparently, the judges agreed as they say good bye to Jim and King Ruck this week but, not before Nunez pulls the bitch move of telling Jay to tell Kyle he deserved to go home this week.  I guess it’s true a bitch is a bitch is a bitch, and Nunez is being just that.    

Traditional Whining: An Ink Master Reccap

Once again we delve into the world of ultimate, inked douche-baggery on Spike T.V’s “Ink Master” as we return to the weekly whine.  This week the flash challenge was sponsored by Corona as the contestants must use contrast to help the canvas “find their beach.”  So, what is a beach?  How do I find this beach?  Well Corona defines surrounding yourself with a happy place where you can just “be” as “finding your beach.”  At first I laughed at this concept, because it seemed a little sappy and dated, but it really makes sense.  I mean when you think of a beach, most people think of calm and serenity… I think of sad getting into miserable places but whatever.  The real reason to win the challenge this week is not just the power to distribute skulls, the winner this week gets a trip to Mexico.  See, now that’s finding your beach.

Right away, things go south for Keith as his machine malfunctions and generally sets the tone of “Keith is a douche,” for the rest of the episode.  In the end, I don’t think anyone really liked this challenge but, the ones really unimpressed were the judges.  Apparently, the contestants aren’t the only ones who haven’t watched the previous seasons because Oliver and Chris are totally annoyed by the lack of strong tattooing this season.  I guess they have forgotten the rule of Ink Master… There is a lot of shit work to get rid of the first 5 -8 weeks.  In fact you don’t get the real flood of greatness until you are only a few weeks from the finally because of the amount of contestants.  Essentially you have to wade through the crap to get to the treasure.  There is however, some definite treasure in 3 -4 artists and it shines through the most in Matti who takes the win for a beautifully done elk.

In the elimination challenge this week the contestants are given Neo Traditional Ladies and Gentlemen to tattoo.  There is one catch, in addition to demonstrating contrast; they must work in teams of two to give the canvas a lady and a gentleman.  Contrast is the art and placement of strong blacks to bright highlights that allows the tattoo to pop.  In a way it is really defines the art of Neo Traditional and here to appraise their work is a master of Neo Traditional Greg Christian.

As far as the tattooing process, the only major upset this week is the complete fiasco that was King Ruck and Keith.  Starting out I don’t know why they were so upset, the guy wanted a pair of romantic zombies.  There are so many great opportunities for you to display contrast in the coloring of zombies alone that as long as you design it correctly it should be cake.  Now, notice how I said as long as it was designed correctly, which also means the canvas has to be okay with the design.  This canvas was a major pain in the ass.  It seems like everything that Keith and King Ruck tried to propose to him was turned down until he wasted 30 min of tattoo time on the frames around the zombies.

When the gruesome twosome finally get machine to the skin, the real problems start.  The canvas begins to shake and almost pass out after half of the outline is applied.  Now, the kid was covered in ink so that leads me to believe that it was error on the side of the artist.  Perhaps the fustigation led to extra pressure but clearly something is very wrong as he falls into Keith’s arms fainting.  So where does that leave the tattoos?  Well, there isn’t any more work that can be done on the canvas so the judges must look at an unfinished product.  This sends Keith upstairs to basically cry it out.  King Ruck, however decides he isn’t going out like that and in a bold move tattoos a well shaded traditional flower on himself.  I have to say, being willing to tattoo yourself demonstrates that even though his show piece isn’t finished that he has the hunger to stay.

After they all shut down for the night, Keith decides to go from person to person to complain.  It’s really just frustraighting, and the string of interesting and expletive riddled comments I screamed in a five min period was amazing.  How this guy hasn’t gotten throat punched repeatedly is beyond me.  Can you tell I’m not a fan?

As for the tattoos themselves here are my notes and as always links will be attached:

Gentle Jay:   Overall it’s a clean depiction of a Neo Traditional tattoo.  The line work is placed correctly and the pinstripe pattern helps to demonstrate contrast in the piece.  I like it but, I really struggled with this week because I’m not a fan of the genre in general.

Jim:  Oh my, this woman’s red checks make her look like she has been slapped far too many times and the dark shading in the neck looks like either dirt or bruising.  There isn’t really any saving it when you look at the face because all you get is a bold eyebrow that slices right through it.  Ugh!

Lydia:  It’s not the worst by far, but it just seems so stale.  I think it’s all the little tattoos that she tried to include that just take away from any crispness that the tattoo could have shown.

Keith:  First, unfinished.  After we get past that there is the horrible shoty job on the frame which lacks a clear deepness to his blacks and a horrible design.  The upper lip followed by exposed teeth just looks awkward.  Maybe it could have been saved with more work but it clearly was going to take more than the canvas had.

Halo:  It’s a nice piece, the color is really soft and I tend to worry about the staying power of subtle washes.  Still the design was nice.

Kyle:  Now Kyle’s color is way deep but his design is off.  What he should have done was to lower the neck and bring the hair forward so that it didn’t look like a wig on a salon head.  Still I agree with Halo, fuck traditional.

Sausage:  Well done sir, and I do mean sir.  The color used in the design was distributed evenly and the highlighted effects worked with the crisp bold outline.   Well done.

Matti:  The color pallet was nice until you get to her skin tone.  The canvas had lovely skin that I might have just left it open so that it had a stronger impact.  The design had one major flaw to me, that hand holding the flower looks disjointed and crazy.

King Ruck:  Ouch!  Not one good line in that unfinished work. 

Bubba:  So looking at this I assumed the reference was Asian… oh wait no he wasn’t.  You changed his ethnicity… If I was the canvas I’d be heart broken.

Melissa:  This was a beautifully strong tattoo, until you hit the skin tone; this seemed to trip everyone up so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Scott:  I liked the overall feel of this piece, the greens particularly but it wasn’t as sunning as say Sausage or even Melissa.

In the end the judges declare sausage the winner which proves uneventful as he puts up for elimination the same person everyone wants to get rid of, Keith.  Keith of course tries to blame everyone but himself, claiming that everything is stupid and bullshit.  The funny and yet sad part is that King Ruck and Bubba, who were also called down have to watch him throw the huge bitch fit.  As Keith is sent away the other two receive a huge shock, there is still one more elimination.  This week we also say good bye not only to Keith but to Bubba as well.  Sadly the axe finally caught up with him as his efforts to skate along the bottom finally went belly up.  Oh well just means less to look at next week


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These tattoos are super: An ink master recap

So everyone’s in a hype about the new X-Men movie because this week, right after Face Off does mutations (see my blog for a recap J), Ink master join’s in with actual X-Men Tattoos!  The geek in me is very pleased with this development.  What does not please me is the apparent lack of skill and finesse of this year’s crop of artists.  I had high hopes for a lot of these professionals but, it seems like every week there are only 4 that really shine leaving everyone else to scramble to stay above the bottom.  Also, the introduction of Top tattoo sending an elimination vote, is making this more about the “honorable” vs “the people out to screw everyone.”  Personally I’m on team “screw everyone” simply because it’s a completion.  These people are not your friends, they are all in your way from you getting 100,000.00, and I don’t know about you… But, I could totally use that money.

So kicking it off into the flash challenge this week, host Dave Navarro informs the “inkster’s” that this week they will be working on precision.  Precision in the tattoo world is using strong lines and design to replicate an object and give a definite picture as to what the tattoo is supposed to be.  Basically, this week they are looking for attention to the ultimate details that make an exact and clear image.  How are we going to test this?  This week’s flash challenge is to do a “super powered” inspired tattoo in three hours.

The results of the flash challenge leave little to be desired, with Scott trying to pass a black eagle off as a raven and Roland’s “dripping pizza slice” like cheetah spots; it is up to Matti to take the win and control of handing out the skulls at the elimination challenge.  To be fair he did produce a solid hammer but, in my opinion Bubba’s tree of immortality clearly demonstrated more precision.  Funny side note, the close up on Scott made him look like he was about to cry, seriously I have seen my 3 year old make that face… Still, Matti now has to decide whether to screw over the people who have screwed him or to take the high road.  Kyle showed a bit of spineless ness disguised as crappy attempts at a cunning assault by trying to hint that Matti needs to sand bag Scott.  Really Kyle?  That never works out in the long run for you; I would just focus on producing something solid.

This week’s elimination challenge:  Colored portraits of the X-Men.  So, not only do you need skills in the art of precision to just be accurate, you are charge with tattooing some of the most recognizable characters in all of fandom.  Matti gets to work handing out skulls and it’s quickly apparent that he went the screw you route.  Stacking some of the harder tattoos into the hands of the least talented tattooer’s in a clear attempt to sink the bottom of the lowest hanging fruits.  The interesting mash up?  There are two wolverines, and Matti decides to use them to go toe to toe with Scott.  With such an iconic character on the line, this could either go really well for them or ultimately, very wrong.

Now before I get into my notes for the individual tattoos I want to take a moment to express how disappointing someone’s behavior last night was.  I’m talking about Sausage’s attempt to call out Kyle.  Now, normally I’m all for calling people out on their shit, and yes Kyle has been a little whinny about the judge’s decisions (which Nunez admits he is hard on him to push him to his full potential).  Still knowing these facts I cannot excuse Sausage for trying to step up to Kyle.  Just last week Sausage whined the Scott stacked the deck in his favor at skull distribution.  He threw a huge bitch fit claiming that it wasn’t honorable and whined that Scott was being a coward because he is playing to win.  I just think it’s ridiculous how in one breath you chastise another player for complaining about the judges and then in the next you complain about another contestant.

To the notes:

Gentle Jay:  The subject was young professor X.  What showed up was an over worked and partially beaten mess.  There was no real accuracy to pick from, each piece seemed to be a slightly tweaked version of the original and the nose and forehead wrinkles really bothered me.

Jim:  I still hate this guy, and every week he reminds me more and more of my son’s father… Hell even my mom can see it now.  All of that aside, the color of this tattoo for one is so soft that it already looks faded.  I don’t even want to know what this thing will look like in 5 years let alone 10.  The details aren’t crisp and it seems kind of muddled.

Bubba:  Okay so Mystique in the movies is drop dead sexy.  So please, tell me why you made her look like a lollipop headed alien.  The hair and the forced shine just killed any hope for this disturbing view of a gorgeous character.

Melissa:  Melissa got Bishop, and her canvas seemed determined to screw her out of any detail.  In short it was her wise choice to bring in Halo’s opinion that clearly saved this piece for her.  It was a well done middle of the pack piece.

Halo:  Now here is a man who clearly knows what it is to do a color portrait.  His rendition of Rouge was damn near flawless and should have been recognized as a clear contender for tattoo of the day.  Clearly Halo knows his shit.  Yea, I voted for Halo.

Scott:  Scott’s wolverine looks somewhat confused to me, I think it’s the awkward arch to the eyebrow that looks questionable.  The face is nice but the outfit itself looks comic book and not portrait.  Kind looks like there’s a level missing to me…

Roland:  This is lacking outline, shape, design, placement; I cannot even tell you who this is… Kitty maybe… I don’t know but it’s rough.  For me it really went south somewhere in the creation of the awkwardly shaped mouth.  Yikes…

Sausage:  The tattoo is very close to professor X, however my major beef with it has got to be that one side of his face seems more set in and it lacks overall balance.

Matti:  You lost the wolverine off buddy, this thing is dark and when I say dark I mean, when this thing heals it’s still going to be massively dark.  It in a way looks way more cartoony than I originally was expecting.  Kind of let down Matti.

Kyle:  Kyle had beast and generally I liked it.  Was it an exact portrait? No, was it good enough to advance yes?

King Ruck:  Magneto here seems to be a mix of drawing and portrait, it’s just another middle of the road honestly.

Keith:  This Storm had better thank god that balance wasn’t the challenge because her cheek bone pulls away from any truly wonderful (which weren’t many) from this blown out tattoo.

Lydia:  Who the hell is this?  She just made an androgynous uni-browed wonder with a giant red x… This is sad.  Really… Just gut wrenching.

In a surprise they bring out their special guest judge, Hugh Jackman, which would have been cool… But, he picked a wolverine tattoo which I thought was a little cheap seeing as Halo clearly smacked this one out of the park.  Still the bottom consisted of Roland, Lydia and… honestly who really cares because between those two they were horrible.  In the end we finally dump Roland, which to be honest I’m totally okay with.  And with a so long until next week all I can say is thank god the whining was minimal, maybe next week we can focus back on doing good tattoos…   

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Pulling the whine card: An Ink Master's Review

Oh Ink Master, yet another week has us wondering what kind of season this is really going to be.  So with a box of tissues in hand we rejoin our happy band of crybabies as they strive for the approval of their industry babysitters.  This week’s theme is placement, the art of designing a tattoo so that it flows with the shape of the body and that all the elements of the tattoos relate to each other in size and location.  In other words this fundamental is huge in the tool kit of an ink master!  So how will the creative minds of this Spike TV programs push our plucky little ink-ers?  By parading in a line of naked bodies of course!

The flash challenge this week takes place in a flower shop.  The artists are given instruction to tattoo their naked canvases with a piece that complements the lines of the human body.  Now being mostly men, the first thing that is mentioned is some discomfort at not wanting to tattoo a penis.  The next thought is oh look boobies!  So I’m totally thinking that everyone is getting these gnarly placements that require the canvases to bare it all, most of these people are getting leg and arm tattoos.  So the naked body is a distraction?  It’s got to be sweeps week or something.  Sausage tries to make an argument that having the full view helps to place the tattoo correctly, but I don’t think I would need to be staring down the barrel at some guys junk to get an idea of how a tattoo is going to fit his thigh.

The tattoos that are produced are very well thought out, for the most part.  However, poor Randy struggled with his piece placing a weird looking lizard tattoo square in the middle of his models back.  It sadly just seems to be swinging from nowhere and poses a threat to later tattoo projects.  The big stand out was definitely Scott’s tree design that sit nicely between his models scapula’s.  The most delightful part of the design had to be the long placement of the stairs in front of the tree giving it a path that your eye can follow up and the branches that round out and fades beautifully.  Halo is less than impressed, and explains that a tree is a cop out because you can twist and turn the branches to a desired shape.  While that is true if you distort a tree too much it can become illegible and the tat loses its significance leaving it looking like an attempt to fill space.  In the end the judges side with Scott and give him the power to assign the tattoos for the elimination challenge. 

Unlike the “honorable” distribution of Sausage, why god would you want to be called that?!, Scott decides that he wants to start chucking everyone under the bus.  His evil plan is to give the hardest tattoos to the top players; the hilarious thing is that they actually whine about it!  Look, if I had the power to give my opponent a difficult canvas or design, I’m going to do it.  You do not enter an art competition to make friends; you enter it to do the best you can and to make your piece look like a brick of gold.  What better way than to surround it by a bunch of shiny turds?

As for the challenge itself, this elimination challenge is to use the principal of placement while designing an aquatic themed tattoo that complements your canvas’s body.  Yes, I’ll admit to singing songs from the little mermaid as I scribbled my notes this week.  Now, when looking at an aquatic piece I think that Matti’s quote best described what could possibly go wrong.  “In the ocean there’s a lot of shit next to a lot of shit and if you don’t place them right your tattoo will look like shit…”  The man can turn a phrase can’t he?  The gripe in this challenge is that all of the canvases seem to want the entire ocean in a neat little package, in full cover, in like 6 hours.  Totally doable right?  Just ask Halo whose canvas wanted a chest filled with everything under the son and was told to pick 7 things.  That ought to make it more manageable right?  Despite the tall order of his client, Halo did not get the worst case scenario by far, that award was graciously given to Bubba who must tattoo the god of the sea atop a horse drawn chariot in an 8x8 square on his model’s ass.

The hate in the air was palpable as Scott decided to strut around and taunt his victims.  To say that there is a target on this guy’s forehead is a gross understatement.  I’m all for confidence but the resounding “Fuck you” from every shop should give you a few hints that you may have taken this a bit too far.  Comparatively speaking this week’s walk through the shop seems so uneventful.  No one’s hurting, or freaking out, there just seems to be focus and work.  I kind of like it.  What I don’t like is this weeks guest judge, CC Sabathia, a pitcher for the New York Yankee’s.  I’m not sure why he’s there, it’s like Dave hosting, he has a lot of tattoos so he must know something about art and what makes a good piece right?  Who picks these people?!  Seriously?!

Here are my notes from last night’s elimination pieces:

Scott:  This shark was placed beautifully in proportion to the ship and the other hammerhead in the distance.  The radial burst helped to break up the blue and give it an upward flow instead of the head on or down ward movement of a lot of aquatic pieces.

Halo:  Oh dear sweet Halo, the good thing about this tattoo is that it’s heavily saturated.  The colors are deeply packed in and I’m going to believe it will heal nicely, the craptastic part?  It looks like a page of a coloring book.  It’s so cartoonish that it really detracts what could be.  Still good enough for middle this week.

Melissa:  This mermaid was just hard to look at, I know the client didn’t want pretty but, I’m sure that the scratchy coral that she was sitting on wasn’t planned either.

Lydia:  Nice looking squid but, I would have wanted to see some more movement with the water to really showcase the details that she is capable of.

King Ruck:  It’s a shark chasing a seal, my biggest beef with this shark is that his bodies all twisted up and it looks like he’s just floating in midair doing nothing.  I love sharks, I really do and especially the great white you are trying to portray, but the tail crushed my insides.

Matti:  It’s a traditional take on Moby Dick, not good not bad just meh. 

Bubba:  Oh this one hurts, if you were trying to channel the god of the ocean’s you got miss directed to roided out Santa.  Hard work this time around Bubba but keep your head up.

Jim:  Mind you, I want to hat this guy because he looks so much and acts so much like my son’s father that I want to spit but, the man can really tattoo.  I think he’s seriously being under estimated here.  The diving helmet he put out has a lot of really great things going for it,  Using air bubbles he cuts through and creates some sound proportion ideas while his strong outline gives the tattoo a real pop.

Kyle:  I want to love this man.  The turtle is so beautiful!  It has the perfect scaling and depth, but you fish look like gold fish crackers… Sadness.

Keith:  It’s another traditional piece; however it was really unwise to make the anchor and the eel the same color. 

Randy:  Another really bad watercolor.  I don’t see a future for him in this game or in this business quite frankly.

Sausage:  Wow, the flow of this piece is fantastic.  The tentacles give a great way to break through blocks of color and gives great shape to the piece.  I was very impressed.

Roland:  This looks like an odd paint by number, I know it’s not the worst but the scratchy blue is really off putting to me…

Gentle Jay:  It’s an okay piece until your eyes move up to the oddly placed striped background.  I wish there was more pop in the ship’s bow, I think that really could have saved it.

So the critiques come in and are received with a mix of relief, disappointment, anger and accusations.  The two critiques that stood out to me were Kyle, who by all means did a brilliant Sea Turtle, but gave no definition to the fish and coral around it which really hurt the design.  Of all things he has learned Kyle still hasn’t found a way to keep his anger and anguish at a bad critique in check.  He challenges Chris Nunez’s opinions that his piece is a middle of the road piece and as much as I love Kyle’s work… I have to agree with Chris and hope that Kyle slows down again and goes in again with consistency and attention.

The largest upset though is Randy whose bad critique he contributed, not to his lack of talent, but to his being gay.  The problem with that is that being gay doesn’t have anything to do with being good at what you do.  In fact after he accused the judges of being against him for his sexuality, with no evidence at all, you almost wanted him to go home.  Here I thought we would get through the episode without sniveling… I was wrong.

In the end, Scott’s hammerhead clinches victory and he decides to nominate Randy, for his lack of talent not who he decides to sleep with.  The human canvas jury decides to nominate Roland for his lack of bright popping colors, and the judges call back Bubba.  Despite his claims that the completion is biased against his sexual preference, Randy has an emotional exit.  This doesn’t stop him from telling Nunez that he’s not cute.  Ouch, see ya Randy.         

Here is the gallery of last nights elimination work remember to vote!

   

The shape of whine: An Ink Master Review

It’s another Wednesday morning her in Orange County and I’m going to get my recap on of last nights “wha – ster piece” of Spike TV’s Ink Master.  Is it just me or are there some seriously deep routed cry factors in this house this season.  I thought it was because of personalities like Ashely who removed herself from the game last week, but I see that in her absence a few more have come to claim the throne of “bitch princess” of the house.  The best thing is it’s not the girls crying all over everything.  In fact I have to hand it to the ladies left, Melissa and Lydia, are proving that they may have bigger balls than some of their “Y – Chromosomed” counter parts.  So who am I crowning as the “Whine Master” this week.  Well, I’d have to say it’s got to be Gentle Jay, with dainty Sausage in close second.  Jay can’t seem to stop huffing and puffing about the utterly ridiculous, the problem is that we have yet to see a good tattoo out of him to be as arrogant as he is.  Remember kids, you are not showing a portfolio, you are doing this live to prove you can actually produce.

That being said, why don’t I move into the flash challenge, this week the artists were asked to demonstrate their skills in consistency.  In the tattoo world, consistency is a major factor in a beautiful piece.  If your tattoo doesn’t have that cohesive appeal throughout you can really lose the shape and meaning of the tattoo itself.  How do you demonstrate true consistency?  Identical twins.  This week the groups were split into teams of three, each team had one designer and two “inkers” who will tattoo the same design on a set of identical twins.  What’s the catch?  There is only one set of Identical twins.  All of the tattooers must share the body as they work on their piece.  This is insane, not only for the canvas, but for the artist as well who will now have to deal with someone possibly pushing or pulling as they are trying to shade or run a line.  On top of an unfavorable canvas situation, you have to make sure your tattoo is identical to the other artist who may be fluent in another style or not as heavy or soft handed as you are.  Perhaps one of you shades differently, or takes a different color pallet, in the end it is up to an executable design and proper communication on the team.

What comes of the flash challenge is total hit and miss.  Let’s start off with the team of Matti, David and Randy, who are given an arm and come out swinging with an American traditional native woman’s face.  I’m going to start by saying I don’t care for American traditional or these “gypsy girl faces.”  I understand that they have their place in the tattoo world but, I have never been a real fan.  That being said, this piece was really nice, the two could have reasonably been from the same person, the color matched and was equally bold, all together a nice effort by Matti and David and good design execution by Randy.

The next team was composed of Jay and Keith who were asked to tattoo duplicate eagles designed by Lydia who decided to let the boys tattoo the hot chick.  What a sweetheart.  This goes way out in left field as problems arise during the design process with Keith’s over powering correction of the design.  Jay cannot seem to keep it together as he loses it in the commentary; it is through this upset with Keith that Jay makes a bid for “Whine Master Glory” as he continuously mocks Keith in a fashion of an arrogant douche bag.  Not that Keith doesn’t deserve it, he isn’t really a team player and his super imposed sense of superiority leaves me with serious “get off my TV” vibes.  Lydia’s design nails the challenge; the execution however, is where this tattoo goes soaring off the rails.  Keith decides mid-tattoo to scrap the agreed upon color pallet and go with a different shade of brown all together, he also changes lines in the designs causing two distinct eagles.  To say Jay was livid is an understatement, and if you think Ink Master’s favorite Mountain Man can take a note from Disney’s Frozen and “just let it go,” you are beyond mistaken.

Team three up for judgment was Sausage, Bubba and Roland.  Right away, Sausage throws a tiny tantrum, clearly a case of “but I don’t want to!” the only this missing was the foot stomp that my three year old does when I tell him that he has to share his toys.  What’s his problem?  Apparently Roland.  Roland could not be more oblivious to Sausages distain for his work and volunteers to design a rose to be tattooed on the wrist, however after the way he acted during the designing process wasn’t a clue, what happens later in the show was a clear sign.  As Roland works away at a clear and concise rose for the team of Sausage and Bubba (does anyone else feel like that should be the name of a truck stop?)  Sausage can’t help butting in every other line.  How Roland doesn’t just reach back and pencil him in the eye like a prisoner with a shiv is beyond me.  With the completed drawing the team sets to work and the end result is solid.  Granted there is a shading inconsistency at the top of the rose but, there is definitely a spot on resemblance.  Good job guys!

Following up with team four was Halo, Kyle and King Ruck.  Seeing Halo and Kyle on a team made me smile, let’s face it I do really like these two and the energy they have brought to the show.  Halo keeps it even keeled but, has some very strong words about how he feels, and despite the outburst Kyle tends to be the more relaxed presence.  In this tradition they decide to let King take the design element on their pair of owls.  Instead of helicoptering over King the two seem to take the time to plan a cohesive color scheme that will allow the two to produce a consistent image.  This almost works, what works against them is Halo’s timing and Kyle’s lack of attention.  Halo hurries through the line work and it shows against Kyle’s carefully pulled lines.  The coffin nail for this team is a tinny oval that Kyle forgot to hit with a pop of yellow in the owls forehead, easy fix but still it’s a ding.

The last team was made up of Scott, Melissa and Jim.  A few notes about these players first, I know that he does good work but there isn’t too much focus on Scott which I think is bizarre since is clearly a threat to the other tattoos.  Maybe it’s because he doesn’t make a scene really and is a bit more gracious about the critiques so far, almost reminiscent of the last winner, Joey Hamilton.  Melissa, even though she has some of the lowest amount of experience, seems to be giving women a positive light in this competition.  She takes the challenges head on and tries with a force, I like that shit.  What I do not like is Jim.  Now it’s kind of unfair, but he looks strikingly similar to my son’s father who is a deeply disliked individual in my life.  Sorry Jim, but I kind of want you off my TV, like, yesterday.  With those mixed feelings out of the way we get to the lion that the team was asked to fabricate on this pair of beauties.  The major point of conjecture was the weight in the color.  Scott popped in way more black than Jim and the tattoo was much better for it.  While it was a good tattoo, Jim’s lion just did not have the same bight as Scott’s and therefore it lost major points in consistency.

In the end it is team three, (Sausage, Bubba, Roland) that comes out victorious with their clean rose tattoos.  You would think, that maybe after helping him with a win Sausage would back off of Roland, this however is clearly not the case as everyone decompresses for the elimination challenge.  Speaking of compression it turns out that David has suffered from broken vertebra after a motorcycle accident last year and the odd way of sitting through the flash challenge has caused his back to seize and he must go to the emergency room for assistance or he won’t be able to tattoo at all.  Still despite the pain he is determined to turn something in for the elimination challenge which is “geometric design.”  Sausage and Bubba get the opportunity to assign projects the worst and most unwanted of which is a maze on a gentleman’s ass.  That pleasure is given to Lydia, who immediately attempts to talk her client out of the ass and brings up good design issues that allows her to move it to his side.  Jay however is not doing as great a job talking with his canvas and on top of every other douche comment, tells the camera about his desire to crush her with a tool box.  You sir are classy.

Everyone seems to be stumbling along with these strange requests, but the artist suffering the most is obviously David.  He seems to be frantically rushing to get ink into the skin but, what he’s honestly doing is beating the man’s arm to red, sore, burger and he cannot even finish the tattoo.  I feel for his pain but, if it continues what would happen to future canvases.  There have been consistence leave the show for medical reason’s before, there shouldn’t be any shame in taking care of your health.

After the challenge the artist recoup for a moment before judging, and in an act of kindness Sausage expresses that he is happy that David pushed through the pain of his injury and wishes him luck.  This nice moment, totally destroyed by Jay who decides to shit all over it by stating that David is using it as a cop out, which is funny because it wasn’t like he was attempting sympathy.  In response David explains that he tried and if it sends him home he will be upset but, he would understand.  Now that is class.

The artists are called in for judging and these are my notes:

David:  Let’s not beat around the bush, this is a horrible tattoo.  The lines and the shades are completely off and the skin it’s self is beaten and red.  It’s sad because I know it was pain that lead to this but, it’s also sad that someone has to walk around with that.

Roland:  It’s a clean lotus looking tattoo and the black is packed in nicely but it is extremely simple and doesn’t read geometric to me.

Melissa:  Got to work on pulling smooth lines girl!  There just doesn’t seem to be a flow to the element of design in this piece.

Kyle:  Perfect circle with an amazing thin outline, keep your head out of your ass please!

Jim:  I actually really loved this design, well done example of geometric pattern.

Scott:  Good design but the edges are far too rounded; the points need to be crisp and clean as well as evenly weighted.

Randy:  That is a drop shadow nightmare!  The tattoo is way too busy and really over shaded.

Halo:  Well balanced and consistent line work, however I keep getting tripped up due to me personal tastes and not really caring for the idea.  Sorry.

Jay:  The shades are nice and even, your line weights and design however, really blow.

Bubba:  The design fades into nothingness which really detracts from the overall design.

King: That was a wobbly lined disaster! How could you think that was even?

Matti:  You tatted around the guy’s nipple and lost dude… GTFO!

Lydia:  Not much to say, the shapes seem too rounded and it seems to lack an element of design.

Sausage:  Awesome!  I love the overall design and symmetrical and identical pyramids as they flow through a sea of correct placement.

Keith:  It’s a horse, made of blue blocks.  Your color choice was nice, that outline however, not so much.

The judges decide that Sausage gets top tattoo of the day and the ability to select an artist for elimination.  This seems to really get to sausage and he chokes up a little explaining that he picks Roland because he doesn’t believe that Roland has the chops to compete in this competition.  The other artist up is David selected by the human canvas jury and Bubba by the judges.  In the end, we have to say goodbye to David as he emotionally packs his shop.  I am sorry to see him go but I wish him good health and a continued recovery.