Traditional Whining: An Ink Master Reccap

Once again we delve into the world of ultimate, inked douche-baggery on Spike T.V’s “Ink Master” as we return to the weekly whine.  This week the flash challenge was sponsored by Corona as the contestants must use contrast to help the canvas “find their beach.”  So, what is a beach?  How do I find this beach?  Well Corona defines surrounding yourself with a happy place where you can just “be” as “finding your beach.”  At first I laughed at this concept, because it seemed a little sappy and dated, but it really makes sense.  I mean when you think of a beach, most people think of calm and serenity… I think of sad getting into miserable places but whatever.  The real reason to win the challenge this week is not just the power to distribute skulls, the winner this week gets a trip to Mexico.  See, now that’s finding your beach.

Right away, things go south for Keith as his machine malfunctions and generally sets the tone of “Keith is a douche,” for the rest of the episode.  In the end, I don’t think anyone really liked this challenge but, the ones really unimpressed were the judges.  Apparently, the contestants aren’t the only ones who haven’t watched the previous seasons because Oliver and Chris are totally annoyed by the lack of strong tattooing this season.  I guess they have forgotten the rule of Ink Master… There is a lot of shit work to get rid of the first 5 -8 weeks.  In fact you don’t get the real flood of greatness until you are only a few weeks from the finally because of the amount of contestants.  Essentially you have to wade through the crap to get to the treasure.  There is however, some definite treasure in 3 -4 artists and it shines through the most in Matti who takes the win for a beautifully done elk.

In the elimination challenge this week the contestants are given Neo Traditional Ladies and Gentlemen to tattoo.  There is one catch, in addition to demonstrating contrast; they must work in teams of two to give the canvas a lady and a gentleman.  Contrast is the art and placement of strong blacks to bright highlights that allows the tattoo to pop.  In a way it is really defines the art of Neo Traditional and here to appraise their work is a master of Neo Traditional Greg Christian.

As far as the tattooing process, the only major upset this week is the complete fiasco that was King Ruck and Keith.  Starting out I don’t know why they were so upset, the guy wanted a pair of romantic zombies.  There are so many great opportunities for you to display contrast in the coloring of zombies alone that as long as you design it correctly it should be cake.  Now, notice how I said as long as it was designed correctly, which also means the canvas has to be okay with the design.  This canvas was a major pain in the ass.  It seems like everything that Keith and King Ruck tried to propose to him was turned down until he wasted 30 min of tattoo time on the frames around the zombies.

When the gruesome twosome finally get machine to the skin, the real problems start.  The canvas begins to shake and almost pass out after half of the outline is applied.  Now, the kid was covered in ink so that leads me to believe that it was error on the side of the artist.  Perhaps the fustigation led to extra pressure but clearly something is very wrong as he falls into Keith’s arms fainting.  So where does that leave the tattoos?  Well, there isn’t any more work that can be done on the canvas so the judges must look at an unfinished product.  This sends Keith upstairs to basically cry it out.  King Ruck, however decides he isn’t going out like that and in a bold move tattoos a well shaded traditional flower on himself.  I have to say, being willing to tattoo yourself demonstrates that even though his show piece isn’t finished that he has the hunger to stay.

After they all shut down for the night, Keith decides to go from person to person to complain.  It’s really just frustraighting, and the string of interesting and expletive riddled comments I screamed in a five min period was amazing.  How this guy hasn’t gotten throat punched repeatedly is beyond me.  Can you tell I’m not a fan?

As for the tattoos themselves here are my notes and as always links will be attached:

Gentle Jay:   Overall it’s a clean depiction of a Neo Traditional tattoo.  The line work is placed correctly and the pinstripe pattern helps to demonstrate contrast in the piece.  I like it but, I really struggled with this week because I’m not a fan of the genre in general.

Jim:  Oh my, this woman’s red checks make her look like she has been slapped far too many times and the dark shading in the neck looks like either dirt or bruising.  There isn’t really any saving it when you look at the face because all you get is a bold eyebrow that slices right through it.  Ugh!

Lydia:  It’s not the worst by far, but it just seems so stale.  I think it’s all the little tattoos that she tried to include that just take away from any crispness that the tattoo could have shown.

Keith:  First, unfinished.  After we get past that there is the horrible shoty job on the frame which lacks a clear deepness to his blacks and a horrible design.  The upper lip followed by exposed teeth just looks awkward.  Maybe it could have been saved with more work but it clearly was going to take more than the canvas had.

Halo:  It’s a nice piece, the color is really soft and I tend to worry about the staying power of subtle washes.  Still the design was nice.

Kyle:  Now Kyle’s color is way deep but his design is off.  What he should have done was to lower the neck and bring the hair forward so that it didn’t look like a wig on a salon head.  Still I agree with Halo, fuck traditional.

Sausage:  Well done sir, and I do mean sir.  The color used in the design was distributed evenly and the highlighted effects worked with the crisp bold outline.   Well done.

Matti:  The color pallet was nice until you get to her skin tone.  The canvas had lovely skin that I might have just left it open so that it had a stronger impact.  The design had one major flaw to me, that hand holding the flower looks disjointed and crazy.

King Ruck:  Ouch!  Not one good line in that unfinished work. 

Bubba:  So looking at this I assumed the reference was Asian… oh wait no he wasn’t.  You changed his ethnicity… If I was the canvas I’d be heart broken.

Melissa:  This was a beautifully strong tattoo, until you hit the skin tone; this seemed to trip everyone up so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Scott:  I liked the overall feel of this piece, the greens particularly but it wasn’t as sunning as say Sausage or even Melissa.

In the end the judges declare sausage the winner which proves uneventful as he puts up for elimination the same person everyone wants to get rid of, Keith.  Keith of course tries to blame everyone but himself, claiming that everything is stupid and bullshit.  The funny and yet sad part is that King Ruck and Bubba, who were also called down have to watch him throw the huge bitch fit.  As Keith is sent away the other two receive a huge shock, there is still one more elimination.  This week we also say good bye not only to Keith but to Bubba as well.  Sadly the axe finally caught up with him as his efforts to skate along the bottom finally went belly up.  Oh well just means less to look at next week


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