We, as a society, need to stop glorifying men who do what
they are supposed to and instead turn our attention on stopping the injustice
being done to our children. When a man
and a woman create a child and the man cares for and supports his we act as if
this man should be put up on a pedestal, he is a hero. For doing what you should do anyway? Does that mean the mother is a goddess? Oh no, you see what you get on that is “well
she’s a mom…” So, you’re saying us doing
our part is expected but a man towing his line is optional? I’m sorry didn’t the man donate half of the
material needed to create the child?
Suddenly because he decides it’s too much he has the option to walk
out? No, he doesn’t. He has the right to end a relationship but
not the right to walk away from taking care of his child.
Let me give you my experience, and maybe you can see why
this “Pro-Dad” campaigne feels very anti-mom to me. I gave birth to my son nearly 4 years ago,
and it was one of the happiest and most fulfilling days of my life. What transpired after, and even what led to
that day, has opened my eyes to just how much people only see what they want to
see. Once the thrill of the hospital was
over, my son and I went home to start our life together with promises from his
father to help… How he intended to do that from 40 miles away with no job or
car was a little fact I over looked because he “loved” the baby.
The first month was eye opening as did the work of two of
us and tried to heal my own body simultaneously. I did the shopping, the cleaning, the
changing, the dressing, the washing, the soothing and the cooing. Not to mention the rocking to sleep only to
be woken by the hunger calls every two hours.
Still this was motherhood and I was determined, if other women can do it
so can I, and besides my son’s father was supposed to help any day now… Surprise,
the month ran out and slowly so was my patience for the man who couldn’t seem
to find a job in the sea of help wanted adds.
Surely he came to vist, didn’t he?
No, that too was up to me to pack the bag, the baby, and my car, buy the
gas and pay for every expense during the visit which included his cigarettes
and alcohol… because you need those when your infant shows up. I was also asked most every visit to clean or
to use my car to do things for the sister and her offspring. All of this was to be expected and after all,
he loved my son. This was the same son
that he barely saw during the visit, the infant he passed to anyone else during
visits so that he could sleep or watch tv, most of the time it was back to me
who was hoping on reprieve.
By month two, this “loving father” was gone, having never
paid a bill or helped lift a finger and I was to return to work. That right 40 plus a week selling mattresses,
then back home to be mom all night… Wash, rinse, repeat. Right around that time I started noticing
pictures around the mall urging people to praise the men that take care of
their children… At first I nodded, yes reward good behavior, but then it dawned
on me… There are no signs praising women who do their jobs as parents. In fact, over the years it’s become down
right degrading to be a mom while we coddle bad behavior.
What am I talking about?
Well, today I open my face book and see a friend of mine post a picture
that states that a true dead beat is a woman who keeps her child from a loving
father. Um, I know Kenny can tell you he
loves my son… but, what has he really done to show that love besides state it
repeatedly? I’m here in the trenches
fighting to keep our life going and he’s out drinking and gallivanting. My son has encompassed my life, as he should,
and I’m the dead beat for not making sure the two have a connection. That is not my job. He took it upon himself to leave, to not
support his child, not me. Please don’t
misunderstand a woman’s asking for support with extorting a child. I have earned the right to hold my head up as
a parent. I have provided him with a
life, with love and have asked for nothing in return but the help I was
promised when the man who left us said he would be there… If that makes me an
evil person in your eyes, let me ask you how is it fair that I do all of the
work and he gets the joy?
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