The Thursday Review

So it’s no secret that mama has a few shows on her rotating schedule of must see usually by Thursday morning all of them have aired so here’s what I’ve been watching and my opinion or what not.

 

Since Once and Walking Dead are on their mid-season breaks, a tradition that I have come to despise, and Drop Dead Diva and Game of Thrones keeping us waiting for the season premiers my must see starts Tuesdays for a while.  First up, we are going to start with the Sci-Fi channels “American Idol” that is known as Face Off.

 

Face Off Needs A Face Lift

 

                So this is season 6, am I the only one that thinks it’s been on way longer than 6?  Once again we gather to watch 15 hopefuls file in and get their egos crushed as they compete to create a slew of some of the most interesting and also some of the lamest ideas that a panel of esteemed judges can slowly bleed out from the slits of depression, after realizing this is what is to become of their craft. 

                The show opened with it’s typical roll call which like most people I spent trying to figure out if there is a “cute one” this season or even if I really care about any of them.  Thus far, no cute one, no special one, okay just kidding I’m having a love affair with Chloe’s Ariel red hair and McKenzie’s first blue stripe dress.  That will tell you how interesting I find this crop...

                So they kick off the foundation challenge with guest judge Tammy Lane who was an academy award winner for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe as well as being nominated for The Hobbit.  The challenge presents itself with a parade of beautiful larger than life wigs on a line of models, the contestants need to balance a makeup with the chosen wig and also create a character that is clear and readable.  What ensues is kind of laughably dull…

Apparently a few of the contestants are roommates in real life, blah blah blah.  Grahm is weird and fashionable, boring.  Daren thinks purple hair with lights in it is extreme… Finally it’s over and we start presentations.  Bethany goes first and what we get is stunning!  I’m sorry maybe it’s my love of Marie Antoinette but give me an oversized fluffy wig of Victorian French Courtier and then slash half the pretty bitch’s face off and I’m in.  Then comes George’s Voodoo Queen, and she is brilliantly bronzed lol.  To say that she is gold dusted wouldn’t be doing this disco dust any justice.  He does however balance it out with the most beautiful cornflower blue I have ever seen so I can forgive him.  He also did well at balancing out the idea by balancing a chest wound focal point which makes his model less top heavy.   Then there is Rashad’s disturbing bird thing… I don’t even know where to start until they reveal he is pretty much self-taught and works in fast food doing make ups on the side.    Suddenly freaky bird thing with disturbing prosthetics makes sense.  After that they speed through the rest of the looks and name George the winner telling him that he has immunity and an advantage in the spot light challenge.

The spotlight challenge is announced at a beautiful castle, a line of lovely dressed princesses descend the stairs to our contestants and it is revealed we are going “Beauty and the Beast.”  Each “Belle” has a picture of her castle to influence the type of beast that needs to be created.  The teams are set randomly leaving George who gets to pick whichever team he wants, great prize right?  He chooses Daren and Grahm (awesome weird and unoriginal).  The guest judge for this challenge is Stephen Sommers who worked on Van Helsing, G.I. Joe and The Mummy Films.  He wants scary and sexy, to be honest his description of the beast is all based around the ending kiss and not wanting the audience to be repulsed, I have to agree.

Away the little creators go, as always everyone sculpts away day one and already some groups feel the togetherness and other groups seem to believe they are made of magnets that repel each other.  The one major thing that gets to me is that these people have obviously seen the show by now so why is it that only Tyler gets his crap in the molding room?!  I mean my goal running into the lab would be to get my molds done and ready so day two I can assess what I have and paint.  I understand they all want these incredible sculpts but what typically happens to them? They don’t make it to the molds on time.  So what was all your sculpting worth to you really? Nothing…

Day two brings a molding issue for Rashad who forgot to place burlap to separate mold from manikin for the cowl because of “under cuts” which means they need to chip away at the mold.  Thankfully they save enough of the mold and it continues forward.  Meanwhile Cat and Daniel seem to be failing with Cat pulling the brunt of the molding and Daniel being a lazy asshole.  Suddenly everyone becomes painfully aware that getting molds done early is where it’s at.

Finally it’s application day and look what happens when your molds aren’t done, you get a hodgepodge of spiraling WTFs.  Now we see running and movement out of these morons.  The scramble then leads into the reveal stage which is really why anyone watches this show.  This season the judges get a twist, a one-time immunity deal… sweet, if you really screw up try to plead that you had a bad week.

Beast 1 Niko and Tess:  This beast is set in an almost Aladdin castle setting and they went with a grey wash dragon theme.  Due to mold issues they went with a transparent gelatin mask with an opaque foam mold and prayed for a miracle.  They don’t get it the face cannot emote.  Tess is not so confident in her choices whereas Niko seems like he’s going to need subtitles for the rest of the show.  The nose of the dragon seems to shift to one side so he looks confused.

Beast 2 Cat and Daniel:  This is perhaps the most traditional beast, looking part lion with a rose staff and oh yeah, half a human face sticking out.  Beauty and the Gore Monster!  All in all good work but utterly uninspired.

Beast 3 Daren, George and Grahm:  This beast looks like he is turning into the stone that his castle is made of, he does have a lot of details in the cowl which are lovely but there is an off putting pink shade under the massive chest plate.  It’s not like it smacks you in the face but it does make you look twice.  The face itself was well sculpted with an inset eye giving him a human yet, other worldly look.

Beast 4 Corrine and Tanner:  Oh my, what have you done?!  This is an abominable snow man whose face was hit by a semi-truck.  Literally, it comes off as an ape covered in dryer lint with fake ass elf ears, poor puppy!  I’m wondering if the face was out of a mold or a really bad grouping of random prosthetics…

Beast 5 Tyler and Bethany:  So next on out what was that parade of “WHAT THE…” Is this gem, I like to call it “Mighty mouse with balls.”  So it would appear that they took a picture of an Indian inspired castle and turned it into a blue (you get points for having the appropriate pallet) mouse-man with sever spheres on its head with spikes shoved in them.  No!

Beast 6 Matt and Margret:  It’s an alien! No really I do believe they went extraterrestrial with their moon tower inspired castle.  The problem is it’s a pointy headed glob of chewed bubblegum.  The face is a slap dash smear of putty colored goop.  There isn’t really a redeemable kind of quality, it’s just bad.

Beast 7 Rashad and Chloe: Finally something that is worth looking at, oh wait they pretty much did a version of the creature from the black lagoon.  Well at least it’s interesting to look at.  The details are there and it has a lot of good shape.

In the end the winning team is Rashad and Chloe with Chloe clenching the winning slot as Margret goes home for the alien silly putty face, harsh but sometimes you have to face the fact that your beast ain’t sexy.  Lord help me this better get, well, better…

 

                After I “ripped” my face off I decided to move to something with laughs and stories as well as veiled lame movie references… Psych

Psych Out!

 

                So I really do love this show, it moves at a great pace and I usually get to spend the episode laughing as well as being slightly surprised at how unbelievably over the top these characters are.  This season opened with the masterpiece that was the musical, and then they brought back Cary Elwes in a snatch like first episode that left me craving more, this week, not so much.

We rejoin or Santa Barbra duo as they try to recoup business after getting booted by new police chief Trout, played by Anthony Michael Hall, under the guise of “Motivational Life Coaches” whatever that means, at a police raid.  Shawn attempting to drum up business for their motivational classes with a smaller, skittish looking man gets the poor man arrested.  That will teach him to stand up for himself.  While putting the man in his squad car Lassie spots the raid suspect and dives after him but, he gets no mention or consideration for this, nor for saving the chief from an assassination attempt two days later.  Clearly, Trout don’t like him… 

It seems like they have to once again build out of nothing and in a twist so does Lassie… Poor, poor lassie, as any fan knows the end of last season after succeeding in his personal life and marrying Marlowe he was demoted to beat cop.  A beat cop that will soon be welcoming a new baby lassie!  Yes, I did squee.  With this new information, Lassie seems to have lost his nerve as he starts to panic about possibly being killed in the line of duty.  Naturally, in Lassie fashion, he tells no one leading Shawn to decide he is dying.

Lassie comes to the psych office to hire our dynamic duo making it a trio of confusion.  I don’t think I like beat cop Lassie.  Meanwhile, Juliet Santa Barbara’s newest lead detective is setting in motion to find out the identity and location of their newest serial killer who has Trout in his cross hairs.  First up to be dragged in is Trout’s own mother, this woman is a blended frappe of biker and bizarre.  It’s clear where Trout gets his weirdness from.

Speaking of Trout, this guy is no good.  It just feels like they have gone too far to be crazy.  I keep yelling “you never go full retard!”  I think he could kill the show if they don’t dump him soon.  He gets under the skin and you need serious surgery to get him out of there.

After a shooting at “Java the Cup” which I really wish existed.  Obviously, Trout’s mother could not be the shooter due to her incarceration.  The injured victim, Vance, is an asshole, which leads to the idea that the shooter is targeting A-holes, perhaps to become the grand puba of a-holes.

Lassie is told to take back some personal effects to Vance and comes face to hooded face with the shooter and falls apart.  Lassie cannot seem to get it together and what’s worse Vance gets murdered during Lassie’s panic.  Talk about a rough day right?

The suspect’s car’s VIN leads them to the fishing yard to a security guard who hasn’t shown up in days.  Turns out he is also known as a total D-bag.  Thankfully, he is dead… in a pool of fish guts… wait, why is that good?  Oh yeah because he was the missing link to the other attacked A-holes.

Remember the small guy arrested in the beginning? (Thanks Shawn)  It seems as though being put through that has made him snap worthy and he must kill all the A-holes!  We salute you little man!

The climax of the episode has got to be the Tombstone inspired show down between our killer and Lassie.  Lassie tries desperately to talk him out of the standoff, to no avail.  However, when the killer mentions taking Lassie away from his family, the “danger” comes back to him and suddenly he’s your huckleberry.  (Say when).  Another successful case closed and we end with Henry telling Lassie to always put his family before the job or he will regret it.  Tears.               

 

                My last stop on the TV dial this week had to end on a powerful note of Ameriacan Horror Story: Coven.

 

Which Witch is the Biggest Bitch?

                Thankfully this week we opened back up with Kathy Bates as we find out how she began her museum of horrors.  It’s a very Bathorey-esque beginning with slicing the head from a chicken and the sight of flowing blood.  This of course leads to morbid curiosity that takes hold when she finds an injured house boy.  Suddenly the bored Madame becomes fulfilled in her new passion of dismemberment.  Not a bad way to kick it off and it means that thankfully her plucky little racist will be back in full force.

                Now in the presence the coven gathers to lay low Nan… who fell in the tub.  Misty is still “missing” thanks to Madison and suddenly Queenie who apparently can shoot herself in the head and still live reappears with Bates on a leash.  The broken coven appears to be becoming whole but only on the outside.  On the inside the witches are eating each other alive in small quests for power that seem to leave each other powerless.

                The witch hunters want a truce meeting and the witches agree to hold it in New Orleans on their own territory, clearly home field advantage.  The leader of the hunters reveals to his second that he plans to honor a fair truce what’s comical is that he expects these witches to do the same.

                This episode seems to be fully narrated by Delphinine (Bates).  When it’s revealed she’s telling her life story to the gardener who she is dismembering up in the butlers attic who they still assume has run off.  In all actuality, he is in fact dead and a spirit in the house who offers to help Delphinine kill Marie Lavotte and release her from the curse of immortality in exchange for a limited run baby doll.  After the story, we rejoin Zoe and her corpse beau trying to figure out what lead to Nans demise when they are joined by Madison.  When her affections are revoked by corpse boy she attacks and threatens to rip him apart, at this point I’d believe her.

                Meanwhile Fiona and he axe wielding boy-toy plot to kill the next supreme and run away together to a small farm house to live out their days in a quiet life.  Fiona welcomes the idea that she can live happy, belonging to the axe man.

                Cordillera, the head mistress, comes to talk to Queenie about the incident where her ex-husband shot her in the stomach and to try to piece together how Queenie survived.  She is met with a mad black woman to say the least.  After the confrontation Cordillera attempts to regain her second sight by stabbing out her eyes to protect the coven.  Myrtle warns Fiona that she may want to run lest she and Marie be found out for the murderous tramps they are.  Fiona decides to distance herself from her as she readies for the hunters.

                Myrtle retires to the basement and calls Zoe to join her where she gives her a gem to hawk.  She explains that she needs Zoe to leave with Kyle, to be happy in her happy life with her happy love.  This is her chance to take with her the last of the purity of the coven.  What makes me smile is where she sends them.  Epcot, that’s right send the witch to Florida.

                The meeting commences with the axe man posing as a waiter, Marie and Fiona are quick to make absurd demands, jets and houses worth millions.  The hunters refuse and offer a 100 year truce which Fiona spits at.  With the rejection of the offer comes the axe man’s handy work as he takes apart the meeting man by man until only the head is left for Fiona.  With a smile on his face he tells her to go to hell as she swings the axe.

                The end of the episode both creep-ed me out and gave me joy.  Delphinine acts on Marie trying to drug her, stab her and throw her down stairs believing she had found the potion to make Marie mortal.  It hasn’t, the skeezy butler has lied in order to kidnap the previously kidnaped baby… A living doll all his own… and he leaves poor Delphinine to try to get rid of Marie.  The joy comes from Kyle and Zoe racing forward and jumping on the bus to Florida.  You just want to cheer as they run through the bus terminal and hop on holding hands.  It’s like the breakfast club fist of victory in the air.

 

I’m starting to think I watch too much TV….