Gather round kiddies and hear the tale of how I spent 2
hours of my life getting pissed off at the writers of ABC’s Once Upon a
Time. This week we were promised a
wedding as well as an idea of what’s to come for our favorite citizens of
Maine, and we received both. However,
like most wedding gifts, I was left with the intense urge to return or exchange
this long and fan service filled episode.
We last left out cast of fairytale players in a small
conundrum brought about by Rumple, not that it is too surprising for him to
stir the pot, of Zelina’s pendant reopening the time portal. My big question at this point is, If she had
enough in her to open the portal, why did she need all the excess garbage (courage,
brain, innocence, the heart)?
Apparently, that is neither here nor there, what is important is that Hook
and Emma are thrown back to the meeting of Emma’s parents. I guess this is the best way to get the
answer to “how did you and dad meet?”
Unfortunately, this is the kind of show where, if something’s going
right, it’s probably wrong. In support
of that, ta-da, Emma screws it all up and now she and Hook must correct the
past to ensure the future.
So how is this episode fan service? Well on top of watching Snow and Charming
fall in love all over again, we get to watch Emma and Hook’s love fully bloom
into an ignited blaze of passion, or rum soaked make out session as an attempt
at a distraction… I’ll let you decide on that one. Who would need to be distracted? Well Hook’s past self, so that future self
could put a complicated plan into action.
Yes that’s right all you sparkly dirt fans there were supposed to be 2
Hooks, of and future gets all kinds of jealous over past groping Emma. See?
Total fan servicing. After that,
we finally get to see Emma in a gown, well that doesn’t end up being a tragic
dream, and Hook gets to teach her to waltz.
Such beautiful moments are extremely short lived as the
bandit Snow crashes the ball to steal the wedding ring, you know kind of like
the first story. This lands Emma in a dungeon
with a “sweet young woman,” while the others must save her. The damsel in distress look, not so much. What was nice is they did at least give the
Emma/Neal fans one more taste of what should have been with a tender memory
about the definition of home. I really
miss Neal. The other part of the memory
causes Emma to recall how to pick a simple pad lock and in turn free herself
and the sweet woman.
The other thing about this show, it will always work itself
out. We are constantly reminded of fate
and destiny in these stories, as the seeds for Charming and Snow’s romance are
sew and it would appear that history is well on its way back to normal. But, what of the woman? The sweet woman that Emma saved was meant to
die and now with her alive what harms could come? We all know that little changes in the past
could wipe out entire futures at this point.
So what should they do with her?
Take her to the future of course.
Here is my problem, first off you don’t know who she is, why she was imprisoned,
or most glaringly wrong who her family is.
These are all things that needed to be considered, and to be honest even
before I found out who she was, I was all for leaving her to die. Not that I am cold hearted, I just know that
one life changes everything.
Well, with all being right with the world, we go to our
promise of a wedding. Rumple and Belle’s
wedding, which was so beautiful that I cried for a good ten minutes. Her dress and hat made me so jealous, it was
such a simple feel with a touch of 1940’s glamour. It really was a vision, but the most moving
and passionate thing was her vows. “Sometimes
the best book has the dustiest jacket,” how is that not the most beautiful
thing you’ve ever heard?! I mean, we
should all be so lucky to find a love like that.
Speaking of epic loves, Regina and Robin show up to the
naming of the Charming’s new baby and seem happier than ever. It’s almost breath taking how much lighter
Regina seems when she’s with him, and therefore it makes the next scene so very
crushing. After a wonderful tribute by
naming the new baby Neal, Regina is approached by Emma with a request for
amends to the mysterious woman of the past.
Regina takes the high road and concedes but, before she can, Robin
recognizes her as Maid Marion. Emma has
single handedly undone Regina’s world one more time. First Snow causes the death of her first
love, the curse causes Regina to lose her father, Emma took Henry, and now she
must lose Robin too. Where is the
justice?! Regina has proven time and
time again that she deserves to be happy and each and every time she finds a
small spark of it, it is stolen from her.
Yes, I’m a little upset.
So where is the show going?
Well, I think that pissed me off more than Regina losing Robin. In the tried and true way of the Mouse that
is Mickey, Disney will be tugging at the teats of its newer cash cow. That’s right folks, Frozen is coming! Sometimes I wish Disney would just “Let it
go.” I cannot say for sure whether or
not I will be tuning in for another season, but I can say that I feel this is a
huge mistake that will lead to the end of Once.
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