The “S” in single mom seems to change meaning from person to person. In my experience so far, I’ve gotten saint, sinner, superhero, slut, and stupid. I don’t think any of those really define me at all, to me the single only designates the fact that I’m without a partner. Moving through this life with my son has been one of the biggest adventures of my life, one that I would never trade, still I can’t seem to wrap my brain around some of the more warped opinions on this ignorant planet. I’m going to go through these, some are funny and some are hurtful but, maybe someday I can help change peoples minds about women in my situation.
Saint: This is one of the most double sided misconceptions of single parenting that drives me insane. I’ve only run across it a few times but the few I have made the experience memorable. The saint: “Oh so you’re doing this by yourself? Bless you… It’s so amazing to see someone trying so hard.” Yes, I’ve actually heard this. So the “saint” is when the person speaking has decided that you raising another human being without the other parent is some supernatural event. It’s not, it’s my life. We as a society seem to want to put some badge of honor on people doing what they should, you had a child… you raise it…
Sinner: Okay, I had a child out of wed lock, I get it, that’s a no no. However, I would like to point out the same values that condemns me also condemns your actions in condemning me. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…” My sinner status was something that like all humans, according to tradition, I was born in… Furthermore it’s between me and my fait not you, me and my faith. Feel free to take your judgments else where just as I reserve passing mine on your actions.
Superhero: This one kind of piggy backs the saint. I’m a working mom who punches the clock 40 hours a week, I work out when I can, keep us fed and try to keep us comfy. For some reason there is a group of people who believes this takes superpowers… what it takes is practice and addiction to caffeine, he “Mombie” is a real thing.
Slut: Yes, having a child proves that at one time I had a sex life… However, he’s also been an amazing source of abstinence infused birth control. I realize that not all single moms abstain but, society needs to see that not all of us spend our nights with our ankles by our ears.
Stupid: Making a bad choice is not the same as being mentally insufficient. When I met my son’s father I thought it was a real forever deal. The problem was that we were both into the idea each other had of the other and not the reality. Just because I realized that my priorities changed and left a toxic situation doesn’t mean that I was stupid. I was misinformed on how majorly flawed my life was. I call it blinded by bliss.
Now, even though these were all S words in my attempt what it boils down to the biggest beef I have is whether it’s damaged or different society seems to have stopped treating me like a person and that needs to stop. I live a regular life and I’m helping to shape another life… So, maybe the single should be just be a relationship status, cause in the end it’s the Mom that counts.
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